You Messed With the Wrong Gamer, Dude.

Hello again, Minions. I know I've been lacking in the blogging area as well as my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram posts. What can I say, life is crazy sometimes. And when you have demon twins that tag team the tantrums during the terrible twos you end up most days wondering "Where the Hell is the Tequila?"

One of the few things that I do is game. I'm one of the gamers that plays a wide variety genres. I play table top RPGs, MMORPGs, card based games, mind benders, dance, pretty much anything. I play apps on my iPhone and iPad as well. This post is about one of those apps and a guy who just doesn't understand you don't mess with Hekate and her games.

The app: Rage of Bahamut
Game type: Card based battle/Fantasy

In RoB we have events called Holy Wars. You battle other orders in the effort to rank highest in the world to get the uber cards. The way it works is one member will declare war and the search is on for an order that is similar in size as yours. Common sense dictates that you make sure other order members are online and ready for battle before you declare war. You ask on the forum, KiK, Palringo, Line, Text, or whatever method you choose to make contact with as many members as you can. But there's always that one person who doesn't think.

Mobage account Godzrule76 Remember that screen name, for that is the one fucktard who wrecks havoc by being blissfully ignorant. This guy joins the order I'm in the day the Holy Wars started. No big deal, right? WRONG! This kid declares war, no big deal, except no one was on to fight. We lose. He declares another, hits one person one time, no one else is on, we lose. Declares another, hits once, a few people are on, we win by a few points. This kid declared every single war yesterday and all but one so far today, hit once or twice when he did fight, and never once paid any attention to the forum wall or his own news feed of us, including yours truly, saying "Knock that shit off, douchewaffle!" Okay, so we can't say that in the game because it gets censored, but you can bet your sweet ass I was thinking it and typed it a few times before I settled on calling him a jerkoff.

Now this kid (face it, anyone younger than me is a kid) messaged the order leader in Facebook apologizing and pleading that he just "didn't know how Holy Wars work", so I won't blast his real name and Facebook profile. This time. Yeah, I must be getting old. I'm going soft. Damn it.

So to close this post, I'm going to say everything I was thinking and wanted to say to him in game:

Godzrule76, What the fuck is your problem, dickweed? What gives you the right to declare war after war after war and not do a damn thing, fucker? Seriously?! And only because you see now that we're pissed off do you try to kiss ass and apologize? The fuck, asshole? Do you ever fucking sleep? Cheese and rice! As soon as one war ends you declare another! What the Hell is wrong with you? OMFG If I could reach you, I'd fucking throttle you while Xic or the order leader sold tickets for people to watch! (Hey, gotta make money somehow). Think a chick can't hit? Ask Xic. I don't do that scratching, hair pulling thing bitches do. Hell no! I'm a curb stop your ass, if you have hair I use it to slam your face and head on the ground only to pull you back up to punch you and repeat kind of chick! I take my games seriously, and I'm competitive as fuck! I want to win, and your leeching ass is just dragging me down! Now either back the fuck off or man the fuck up and fight with us instead of making us lose, asshole!

~Hekate

The Sunday that Felt Like Monday.

Normally Mondays have it in for us all, but for some reason yesterday was a "You've got to be kidding me" day. Here's how it went down:


Nyx and Nox didn't wake up at their normal time of 7:30 am and we were meeting family for breakfast at 8:00 am, so Xic goes in and wakes them. As everyone knows, waking a toddler from their comatose state is like smacking a hibernating bear with a 2x4. You Just. Don't. Do. It. But since we had to be somewhere, it was an unavoidable hazard. Begin the suck.


Nox freaks out every time we get near the car. This is normal, though. I have no idea why she does, but it's usually fixed by a quick lift above our heads. Not this time. Now begins the "Fold the Baby in Half and Strap Them Down ASAP" games. For this, I deserve a gold medal. Next is the "Kick Daddy's Seat All the Way to the Restaurant" game. Nyx gets the platinum medal for the rest of her life for this event. What's that? They don't have a platinum medal? I'll make one, asshole! Her kicking is EPIC.


Thanks to a GPS leading our family halfway around the world before sending them our way, Nyx and Nox started "Whinefest 2012". This wasn't too bad, but still sucks when you're in a small car sitting in a parking lot. A short time later, they make it. Time to get our grub on.


Breakfast went great, the girls ate like we never feed them. Thanks, kids. Make me look like a douche now. Payback in your teen years will be a fucking bitch. The bad part of breakfast, I go to the little Goth's room and, thanks to a fucking herniated disc, my leg goes numb and I fall. Hard. At least no one was in there. Fuck. What else does this day have in store?


We go home, put the demons down for a nap. Two glorious hours of sleep! They wake on their own two minutes before we had said we would wake them to make it for lunch. Get them changed, pack up towels for swimming, the girls are set... Xic says to help him with his back. FUCK. THIS. DAY. Get him set, Nox freaks at the sight of the car, she kicks Xic's seat, GPS leads us to the city, he misses the fucking turn thanks to a well thought out system by the city (fucking dicks), we turn back to make a left turn into the parking lot. "No Left Turn Allowed". Begin the twitchy face and clinched fists.


Xic turns on the interstate to go down one exit to turn back after the longest damn light ever. Make it to the exit, turn. The next light has a blinking yellow arrow with a sign "Yield to Oncoming Traffic when Blinking". Fuckhead in front of us has the clear, and sits there. Yep. There's the tick. Fucking GO! He turns and the light turns red and we're stuck. Yeah, fuck you, dick! I hope the next person who sits behind you bumps your ass into the intersection and makes you go. Light turns green, we go. No access to the one we want and we end up going five fucking miles down to finally make it back on the right track. What happens next just doesn't help the twitches. Fucking douche bag pulls out in front of us while impatient bitch behind him doesn't want to stop at the fucking sign. That's right, keep rolling out in front of us princess. The semi behind us would be more than obliged to take the front end off the car daddy bought you.


Make it to the food joint. Fuck yeah! Go in, get the demons strapped in the highchairs, SIL and I order food and wait. Food's ready and the call us. Where are the other two fucking tacos that were ordered? Clean the cum out of your ears and listen, precious! Where the fuck are the two milkshakes you were going to make? Oh, and the fucking milk for Nyx and Nox? I should let them go all Zombie Fucking Apocalypse on your badly bleached hair ass! Get it all, finally. Back to the family's hotel to swim. Finally the day got better.


We swam, sat in the spa, had a blast, and the girls had their cousin spend the night at our place. Get the Gothlings fed dinner. Everyone is having fun. Xic and CC (niece) play Mortal Kombat. Xic beats her and then it's my turn. FIGHT! Nothing like beating up on a five-year-old in a game to make you feel awesome about yourself, right? OMFG... WTF just happened? I got pwned by a kid in a game I fucking rock at. Not just once or twice. Three fucking times. I bow to you, CC, Queen of MK.


Bedtime nears for Nyx and Nox, SIL and BIL bring CC a toy she has wanted for a while but couldn't be found in their city. Also brought Nyx and Nox a activity table that plays music and teaches ABC's and all that cool shit. The problem? It was just before bedtime. Give a toddler a new toy before bed, good fucking luck getting them to bed. This after only a one nap day and them being up for almost 8 hours now. Meltdown in 5...4...3...2...1... NOOOOOOO!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!


After I stop throwing my fit, I get the girls calmed down too. Xic puts the table in a different room. I sing to them and they soon fall asleep. Time to play board games with CC. Xic wins in Sorry, I win Yatzee. Xic introduced CC to Pissed Off Pigeons, aka Angry Birds, on the PS3. Nothing like popping pigs to get a kid to settle down, right? STFU, it actually worked! She starts drifting in and out of consciousness. We pull out the bed, she climbs up in bed and is out before we know it.


Spend some time talking to my twin, Hecate, who is in Japan for a few more weeks on Skype. Had a good chat that, without fail, ends up with us talking about boobs. I swear! Never fucking fails! Shows where our twin minds end up. But a great way to end the day, right?


Now it's our bed time.
 
Ah, sleep. Perchance to dream... And PISS! (If you're a gamer, you know this game quote) Never fails, I get all warm and comfy in bed and I have to pee. Just my bladders nice little way to say Fuck you, Hekate! Now the day is done, time to sleep and prepare for the real Monday. Help me.


~Hekate


P.S. At some point during the day, someone sharted and to keep from toting shit soiled underwear they threw them away. Not gonna say who and let you all speculate. LMAO What a fucking day it was.