Is it Monday?

It's nap time in the Goth house so I figured now would be a good time to start writing and hope I finish before the Gothlings wake up. Today has been the day from Hell so far which begs the question, "Is it Monday?" Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

7:30 am Nyx and Nox woke up. I could hear them banging on the wall. I hoped it was someone outside and that they were still asleep, but the soon let out a squeal that let me know it was them. So I get up and start breakfast. As I oven the freezer shit starts falling out for no reason. The fuck? Was there an earthquake that shifted this shit while I was asleep? No, no earthquake. Now our freezer is packed in a way that nothing would just fall out. Chalk it up to randomness.

Breakfast is ready and I open the doors to let the demons run to the dining area. They eat like they never get food. Soon after they finish, Nox starts throwing a fit. Nothing could console this child. So is it just a bad day for her? No... Soon Nyx follows with her crying and throwing herself on the floor in epic fashion and wails. Okay, bad day for the both of them.

Yesterday they were working on our parking lot so we had to park on the street. This morning we were allowed to move our cars back. Keep in mind we had just moved our cars 24 hours ago. I go to start the Beast (my car for now). Nothing. Seriously? We just had a new battery put in a few months ago and the alternator checked out great. It's a five year battery, what the Hell is going on? Xic decides he wants to try to start it. Yeah, like I'd fucking lie about the damn thing not starting and that it's the battery. What do I know? I only grew up around mechanics. Must just be a guy thing. Guess what? It. Didn't. Start. Surprise, surprise.

So he grabs his keys and pulls his car up beside mine and we jump start it. Fucking POS car. If we could, I'd trade that bitch in today. Sadly I have to wait. So we have two cars, but only one runs. Awesome. What else you got, Thursday?

Cranky toddlers all day so far, a car that's an over-sized paperweight, and my pain meds stopped working about 20 minutes ago and I have a massive migraine on top of my back letting me know I can, and will, cry like a bitch. Could I take more meds? Sure, but I choose to wait until the kids are in bed for the night so I can relax and if I rack the fuck out, it's okay because no one will need me at that point.

The good news is, Xic will be home more in the evenings starting Monday for at least four weeks and will soon be making twice what he makes right now. September 7th he has an interview with a place he really wants to work and I hope he gets it. It would mean we have to move, but it would be to a safer place all around. I'm sick of renting and want to start making payment to a place that will be ours. I don't care where it is, as long as we're together, happy, healthy, and there's at least a Walmart. Funny ass shit happens at Walmart, Minions. And let's face it, I'm the crazy, creepy, weird ass neighbor.

~Hekate

A Little History Lesson of Hekate

No, not the real Hekate, but me. Maybe one day I will explain why I use Hekate Jahi as my name, but not tonight. I've taken my meds and may be out cold soon. The past few days I have mentioned I'm on Vicodin. Let me clarify why before people start thinking what my doctor thought before even seeing me. Yeah, I can hear some of you thinking "Pill popping junkie."

In 1994 I had a horse. Yes, a horse. I am Native American and lived on a reservation. You had to have a horse. It was almost mandatory. Anyway, I was worried about hurting my horse and chose not to use a saddle and be like my ancestors. I rode bareback. This takes strength and skill when you run with your horse. It may look easy, but it's not.

So one day I hop onto Lightening and on this day, things went bad. He freaked out for some reason and took off running before I was ready. He bucked, reared up, bucked again, and I fell. I landed on my back and heard The Oracle yell to roll. As I rolled onto my stomach, Lightening began to stomp on me. He hit my left knee, my right wrist, and worst of all my lower back. Lucky for me he hadn't been shoed yet, meaning he didn't have horseshoes on him. When you live on land like we had, it wasn't necessary, and that may have saved me from being paralyzed or killed. Sadly, though, no one took the injury serious at the hospital and didn't even x-ray my back. Fucked up, right? I thought so.

Fast forward a few years and I'm at a neurologist for a follow-up on my epilepsy. Hey, I never said I was a 100% healthy Goth. As he's doing his exam he checks my back. I have scoliosis. Fucking awesome. Still, no one cares I was stepped on by a horse. No big deal, I guess. This same year, I'm a passenger in a car wreck. I get taken to the hospital via ambulance and they check my neck. Nothing broken, but I have the start of degenerative disc disease. Not good when you're just a teen. Still no checking of my lower back. 

A year later, I am playing tackle baseball with my cousin and some friends. Yes, tackle baseball. We made shit up when we got bored. I go to tackle my cousin, who out weighs me by almost 50 lbs, and he ends up causing us to fall backwards and my neck twists and pops. SHIT!!! He jumps up and freaks out asking if I'm okay. I. Can't. Move. This is bad. Very fucking bad. The ambulance gets there and I'm taken to the same hospital that shrugged off my horse accident. Great. They do a CT of my neck and x-ray my back. Torn muscle in my neck and my back has a 13 degree curvature in two spots. Plus the disc in my upper back lack normal spacing from the degenerative disc. They put me through physical therapy and I'm sent packing. 

Years later I've had kids, and after Nyx and Nox I started having real problems. I had fallen in the past, but now I fell down stairs. More than once. My legs were going numb as well as my arms, my feet hurt and burned, and I couldn't sit or stand for long at all. I go to the doc who orders a MRI of my lower back. Scoliosis, degenerative disc, and herniated disc from L4 to S1, and that's just my lower back. I may have more. It's been a year since I found out and I have never been on pain medication for it. I did have injections near my spine. Three rounds of no less than 12 shots each time. It didn't help and my body wouldn't heal. Now I'm experiencing what could be nerve damage from it. I have just been prescribed Vicodin, one pill twice a day as well as put back on my seizure medication. My doctor said "You've been suffering for too long. You need this."

I will make fun of myself for being on it because it makes me semi hyper and I do and say funny ass shit. If I can't laugh at myself, then I fail. I hope you all find it funny too.  I writes these posts to vent and say what I'm thinking when no one is here to talk or if I don't want to stress Xic anymore than he already is. 

I hope you're enjoying my rants and randomness. If you have any ideas or want to share a rant, email me at GothMomRantings@rocketmail.com. Please feel free to share this as well as my Facebook page Random Rantings of a Goth Mom. Goodnight, Minions.

~Hekate

The Never-ending Havoc that is Nyx and Nox

I love my demon babies. Really, I do. These two little Gothlings of mine, by doctor opinions, shouldn't be here. Between past illnesses I've had as well as injuries I've incurred in my life I shouldn't have had kids at all. But me being the stubborn ass that I am, I set out to prove everyone wrong. But so help me, some days I wonder if they're not really "Heaven Sent" and are truly "Demon Babies".

Xic and I call them our "demons" with all the love in the world. We know they're crazy, hyper, destructive, cannibalistic at times, and... What was I saying? Oh right, we know they're trouble, but they're ours and we love them no matter what. Matter of fact, as I've started writing this, I've had to stop them from literally climbing up the wall and to the window. Double trouble is an understatement.

Baby proofing our home has become pointless. They find a way around everything or figure out how to get shit undone. Like outlet protectors. You know the little annoying plug things that are a fucking bitch for you to get out unless you have a crowbar? Baby proof my ass. More like adult proof. Our demons figured those fucking things out on day one! Seriously! I can't fucking stop these two. 

A few months ago Nyx got one of the protectors out and stuck her finger that she had just been chewing on in the damned plug. Guess what happened? She got shocked! I hear that high pitched cry that tells everyone in a 1000 mile radius that she is fucking hurt. I run and jump over our baby gate. It's a walk through gate, but I didn't have time to fuck with that bitch ass lock. My baby was hurt. I get to her and check her over. She was fine, no burns or obvious injury. I'm thinking maybe she learned her lesson, but still put the protectors back in to try and keep them safe. I was wrong. Nyx does the same fucking thing not even two minutes later just at a different spot. Guess she thought "Okay, that one hurts, maybe this one won't." Sorry, sweetie. It doesn't work that way.

Nox started climbing one day and got on top of the changing table in their room one morning shortly after she woke up. Can you say heart attack? She's just sitting there tossing stuff down to Nyx but kept the cool shit for herself. She then climbed back up two more times that day. That night, the changing table was taken out of their room. Nothing left but a box for toys and their toddler beds.

Fast forward to the past two months. It's been hot, so we've been putting fans in our windows since our apartment doesn't have air conditioning. What do you think happens when you put a fan in the window of Nyx and Nox's room? They pull the cord and yank the fan right out of said window. Over and over again. So what do I do? Break out my inner redneck. We all have one, you just have to embrace it and know when to use it.

Since normal baby proofing fails, I resort to this:

Damn straight I duct taped the changing table pad over the cord and outlet! Sadly I know this won't last long, but I'm hoping they get the point after I tactically place a huge ass teddy bear in front of it. You'll have to excuse me now. My MMA fighters just slammed into the wall and let out a very frustrated yell.

~Hekate

What Time is it?

More like Xic, Hekate, and the Gothlings

If you're a mom, or even a nerd, you probably yelled out "Adventure Time!" If not, fuck you. That's a pretty cool ass show right along with Regular Show. Anyway, there's a reason for the title. Ever heard of Geocashing? It's like hide-and-seek with boxes of stuff using a GPS to find it. Well Xic and I picked up this hobby last year. He had been wanting to do it for a while so I bought him a handheld GPS for Christmas. Yeah, I'm a kick ass wife.

Well today we went on one of these adventures that was a seven part quest. It was fun, challenging, and yet some what annoying. Let me take my meds and then I'll finish this story... 

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, our quest to Mordor. Shut up, that was fucking funny. So this morning we start our journey to the first coordinance. We make it there and have to start by counting planks on a picnic table, then the bolts, add one into something, multiply it by this, and get N 55 55.XXX then take the other and add, subtract, divide and get W 55 55.XXX. Fucking math, Minions! I have no problem with it but, seriously, it was a lot. Anyway, we make it to spot two using what we figured out. Perfect! Hekate still rocks on her math. Spot two has us count windows, letters, columns, pipes, then start adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing all over again. I still got this! Even though people were bitching on the website that the math wasn't right or it was too hard, we had no problems at all. Guess these other douchers were just bad at math or forgot how to count. Or lazy...

Okay, spot three, same thing. Find a sign with numbers, count cables, start math. Got it, good, on to the next spot! Except it was in a state park and we had to pay to get in. No problem, they take cards... Damn it! Fucking closed and it's cash or check. Okay, back home, pick up the check book, and feed the Gothlings while we're at it since it was lunch time. They eat and we leave again. By the way, this entire time I'm tripping balls on the Vicodin I was prescribed yesterday. EPIC! I started laughing at random shit and had the most fucked up squeaky ass laugh at one point. I scared myself. But I digress.

Back to the park and guess what? The fucking window is open and they're taking cards now. Whatever, it's cool. We pay, go in, get the next clue. More numbers, more math, time to move to spot five. This one was on the side of the road. Add letters up, take down number, do math, move on. Spot six was just down the road and we're almost done! Six is the same thing, add letters, math, move on. It's all on foot from here.

We put Nyx and Nox in the jogging stroller and set out. Now me being somewhat smart, I sprayed the Gothlings and myself with bug spray before leaving, but I failed to wear pants. This was my epic fail of the day. Xic refused to put on bug spray. Whatever, you're blood guy. So we start our 3/4 mile hike to the last spot. Oh, and let me say I felt like Deadpool carrying a machete on my back and welding it on the last leg of this trip. BAD. ASS.

The trail is muddy in spots and rough, plus there's tall grass and brush all along the side. Still, family fun and exercise. It's all gravy. Xic is pushing the stroller and we start heading into the wooded area. Guess what we ran into? Mosquitoes! Fucking shit ton of big ass, suck your fucking blood dry, mosquitoes. Good thing I sprayed us all down, right? Oh yeah, except for Xic. Sucks to be him. The fuck! I'm getting attacked too? Fucking mutant ass bugs! I cover Nyx and Nox and start going all Mosquito Ninja on any and every fucking flying insect near them. I got to the point where I fucking said, "I offer myself as tribute!" Yes, I am a nerd. Fucking problem? Didn't think so.

Xic heads down a path the stroller wouldn't make to finish out our journey as I continue to kick mosquito ass. He yells back "Head for the clearing! I'll catch up!" so back up the hill we go still swinging at the dive bombing fuckers as I go. Once we get to the clearing we're in the green zone. Xic catches up, tosses me the keys and says head back to the car, another 3/4 mile hike back, and he'll return the cashe to the spot and catch back up. As he fades back into the mosquito haze, we trek forward to car. Once he catches back up, we load the Gothlings in and leave.

Poor Xic is all scratched up from plants and shit, I got one actual bite on my shoulder, and all we got was a magnet. A fucking magnet. These people need to put cooler shit in the fucking boxes! Assholes.

In other news, Verin is now halfway to his black belt in Karate and in joining a tournament class. The boy takes his training serious, too. I'm proud of him, but fear he may teach his sisters how to really break a door. That's all I need... Oh, and since my meds kicked in, I'm tripping balls again and have no clue what I'm talking about anymore and figure it's time to just STFU until tomorrow. 

~Hekate

Pillow Talk

This is a REAL conversation between Xic and me last night and today. What follows may be hazardous to your health. Side effects from reading this post can include: Uncontrollable laughter, snorting, liquids flowing from your nose, the "Seal" laugh (laughing to hard no sound comes out and you just smile, nod, and clap), difficulty breathing, and possible need for CPR. Continue at your own risk. Blogger is not responsible for any injuries that occur and has no money for you to sue for.

Hekate: Fucking Hell! It's too fucking hot! I can't breathe... Fuck!

Xic: Are you going to fucking stop saying fuck? You say it too fucking much for fuck's sake!

Hekate: Fuck no! I fucking love saying fuck and will fucking continue to say fuck all I fucking want. It's a free fucking country, fucker!

Xic: Well fucking fine then, fucker!

Hekate: I fucking love you!

Xic: I fucking love you too! Bedroom?

Hekate: Fuck yeah!

Xic: Blog this fucking shit.

Any questions on why I fucking love this man?

Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and Hekate

Yes, Minions, even Goths visit the doc every now and then. Today was a fun little adventure that turned out far different than I expected.

I'm not exactly a morning person, per-say, but if you're going to the doctor mornings are best. Monday mornings are just Hell. Who wants to go to the doc first thing of a morning on a Monday? Apparently, this Goth. I have nothing better to do, right?

Okay, Monday morning doc. I leave the Gothlings with Xic. Smart right? Damn straight. It was his idea. I get in the car (no it's not a hearse) and get the GPS set. What? I haven't been to this quack before and, as much of a bad ass I am, I don't want to be late or get lost. Now shut up and stop laughing, fuckers! Thanks...

Get the GPS set, and in true Monday fashion, it takes me to the wrong fucking address! Well played, GPS. Well played. So I get it set to the correct address, which was only a few blocks the other way, and still get there early. I fucking rock.

Get there, sign in, fill out my autobiography, sign my life away, and wait to be called. And I wait to be called... And I WAIT TO BE CALLED! My appointment was at 9:30 am, I showed up at 9:13 am, and I don't get called back until 10:15. This is normal, right? Sure, if the office was busy as fuck. But it's Monday morning and dead. Seriously. I'm the only fucking person in the damned waiting room. And they wonder why my blood pressure is "a little high" when the check it.

So I get back to the cold, clinical, funky smelling room. What the Hell is that smell anyway? Soap and sanitizer mixed with pine air freshener and alcohol with a hint of lemon and lavender? Sensory fucking overload! 

After Sneezeapaloza 2012 took a short intermission, Vampire Nurse wants my blood. Fun times. I'm the type of stick that sucks. Why? Tiny ass veins that roll and hide. Seriously, they have to use the baby needles on my shrimp ass veins. Hell, Nyx and Nox have bigger, better veins than me! Yes, I'm jealous, because blood draws suck for me. So Vamp here gets me set up and I'm waiting for that bite you feel as the needle pierces through your skin and into your waiting vein... Nothing. I look up as she says, "Apply pressure here for a minute." Damn, Vamp Nurse is good. Now I wait for Dr. Jekyll but expect Mr. Hyde. That's my luck. So I wait...

30 fucking minutes later, my troll looking Dr. Jekyll walks in. Not the cute troll doll troll, the under the bridge, I'm going to eat your soul, looking troll. Then I see it has to be Mr. Hyde. Until he speaks. "What can I do for you, Mrs. Goth?" Pleasant enough voice for an old dude. Okay, so Dr. Jekyll's personality in Mr. Hyde's body. Guess it's better than the other way around, right?

No I explain to not-so-hot-doc about my herniated disc and the past treatments I've had and how I've never been on any pain meds for it. EVER. Poor shocked doc writes me up a referral to a neurosurgeon and says he's going to write me a script for pain relief. I'm thinking oral steroids for inflammation, nope. Dr. Jekyll hands me a paper with Vicodin (APAP/ Hydrocodone) 1 pill, twice daily written on it. Huh? Guess it showed on my face I was confuzeled because he looks at me so serious, puts one hand on my shoulder and says "You need this." Uh... Say what? Is it that bad? It has to be when a medical doctor who, at first, thought you were a drug seeking junkie and almost refused to see you says you need something like Vicodin.

So, until I visit the neurosurgeon and determine what course of action or surgery I'm going to need, I will be even more hilarious than normal. Vicodin makes me hyper, happy, and funny as fuck! You all should enjoy the future blogs...

~Hekate

A Bad Day to be Goth

I'm not saying it's bad to be Goth. I love being Goth. It's part of who I am. But there are days that you just can't be full on Goth. Like yesterday, today, and possible all this week for some time. Why? It's just too damn hot!


Holy shit, minions! I'm melting over here! I am so use to cool temps when I wake up and cloudy, sometimes rainy, days. It's been so warm here the past few days that I have thought about becoming a nudest, but even then I wouldn't be cool enough.


I miss central air. I use to be able to handle the heat and hated the cold. I am one who could never get warm enough, even if I were standing in the fireplace. Call it hormone fluctuations, call it change in preference, call it whatever you want, but this Goth can't take the heat anymore! I am giving up wearing black until it fucking cools down. Not even a black tank top!


Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to crawl back into my freezer since the morgue kicked me out. And yes, that was a joke. I did try to hang out in a butcher's meat locker once, though... 


~Hekate