FINALLY!

I can now post from my iPad again! About fucking time, google.

So, a quick fill in of events taken place in the Goth home:

Xic is still waiting to hear from his dream job. It seems when you want people to hurry the fuck up they slow down even more. In the meantime he's been working crazy hours and shifts. Who the Hell schedules someone with two-year-olds running around their house for graveyard shifts every week? Seriously? The money's great but the hours suck ass.

Nyx and Nox have been reminding me several times a day that the "Terrible Twos" are here. HELP! Between the tantrums, meltdowns, hitting, pushing, stage diving practice, kicking the other off of things, and trying to be zombies (seriously, they try to chew through my skull), I'm going crazy! Someone pass me a bottle of something strong.

Mother Nature is being a whore this month. I'm either going to spontaneously combust, freeze to death, die from massive amounts of blood loss, or end up in the Psych Ward at the local hospital. I am counting down the days to Menopause! Can someone hit the fast forward button on that for me?

My mood swings are giving Xic whiplash. Hell, my mood swings make me want to punch MYSELF in the throat! But Xic isn't completely innocent either. Between his memory loss (he claims old age, I claim Man Syndrome), his own mood swings, crazy work schedule, and talking in his sleep, I don't get much sleep or time to relax. Though I do find out some interesting things from the conversations we have when he's asleep. (Word of advice: If you're a sleep talker, secrets come out. Like what you got your spouse for Christmas.)

So here I am, sitting in bed in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping, freezing my ass off (though that may not be a bad thing) while sweating, wishing I could just fucking sleep, writing this post, waiting for the weekend to be over with so I can make yet another pointless doctors appointment, and waiting for Xic to get home so I can sleep next to him for all of two hours, get up, make breakfast for the kids, and start my daily routine. I need a vacation!

On a good note, we did find a babysitter willing to watch the demon twins! Let's see how long that lasts..

~Hekate

Hekate? With a Purse?

If you haven't read my previous post Shout Out to an Awesome Crafter, I'm going to fill you in one this person here.

Okay, she makes purses out of... Ready? Duct Tape! Seriously. And before you start thinking "Uh, no thanks. That just sounds weird." Don't knock it yet.

Now I'm not talking about plain silver Duct Tape that you see. No, not at all. I'm talking all the prints you see. Skulls, checkerboard, plaid, dragons... This chick is good!

"But, Hekate... How do you know?"

Glad you asked that. Because yesterday I got my purse from her! Yes, Minions, your favorite Goth Mom is rocking a purse. Now I don't carry purses, I usually just have a wallet in my back pocket. Linkin Park one at that, but I digress. Yesterday I got the package I had been waiting for. My very own Dragon Clutch Purse by Em.

I just got up.

The picture doesn't do it justice. But since Xic has my preferred camera in the trunk of his car, I had to use my web cam. 

It's not heavy like you would think. It's light, soft, flexible, has a magnetic closure, mine has a gold chain, it's just fucking awesome!

If you're interested in getting one like mine, or want to check out her other projects (trust me, you do), head on over to her shop. She has a discount going on right now for 15% off until further notice. So what are you waiting for? There's something for everyone. Let her know I sent you.

~Hekate

P.S. Em, if you're reading this: I made a special trip to the store last night after I got it just to show it off!

Holy HTML Codes, Batman! And Other Things Too...

Okay, so I've been trying to add a few things using HTML editors and codes. FUCKING HELL! That shit makes you go cross eyed after a few minutes! Anyway, I think I got it all figured out. If not, oh well. Just trying to tweak my page a little, so if anything is out of place or seems off, please let me know and I'll attempt to fix it ASAP.

As you know, Minions, I've been talking about it being hot where I'm at and I would not be wearing my all time favorite color black until it cooled down. Well, It finally cooled down and I can get back to being my true Goth self. Awesome, right? Yeah, not so much. As I am happy about it cooling down, it may have cooled down too much for Nyx and Nox. I actually had to turn the heat on in their room yesterday for a while and this morning as well. It was so damned cold their lips were blue! Fucking craziness! So no more short sleeve PJs for them. Time to bust out the long sleeve and possibly flannel and footed pajamas. I still need to get me a pair with skulls. At least I know where to buy them.

Okay, Xic and I just celebrated our anniversary not too long ago. Since we do the whole geocaching thing (and this years gifts were either candy, wood, or iron), I bought him a cache box. This one, to be exact:

Yes, it is an actual log. I know. I rock. But in true Xic fashion, he just had to show me up. He denies that's what he does and says we always get awesome gifts for each other, but I think his are better most of the time. (Case in point, our first anniversary he got me tickets for Family Values Tour.) So as I open my gift, this is what I see:

Now anyone who knows me knows I've wanted one for a very, very, long time. Like I said, always topping me on gifts. Except on year on Christmas when I bought him land in Scotland and earned him the title of a Scottish Laird (lord). In any event, I dare a fucker to break in our house. I'll go medieval on their ass! Oh, and: I FUCKING LOVE YOU, XIC!

~Hekate

Goth Mom Shout Out

Okay Minions, this site has me up to blog about it. So listen up:

I'm a gamer. Yes, I pretty much do it all as a goth. Why do you think all goths are depressed, loners who wear black, want to kill the world, and hate life? That's called Emo. Emo is like goth, but it's for pussies. Anyway, back to my mission.

I visit a lot of Facebook pages. Some I like, some I keep a check on, and some... Well, let's just say they are questionable even for me and I'm pretty fucking twisted. So as I was stalking some of my Facebook followers (yeah, I like to check you all out at times and some of you have your shit on lock down and are no fun) and I found that one of you liked this page named Loki's Planet. I love Loki, so you know I had to check them out. Guess what I found? They have a social network for gamers, by gamers. So I hopped on over to their site and made a profile. Seriously, if you're a gamer, go here now!

It's like Facebook, but for gamers and way fucking cooler. They have news about games, articles to help you out, it's a hard core catering to gamers! You don't have to be uber, epic, hardcore, tournament playing, marathon gamer to enjoy this site either. All skill levels are welcomed. So get on over there, sign up, connect, and enjoy.

~Hekate

Is it Monday?

It's nap time in the Goth house so I figured now would be a good time to start writing and hope I finish before the Gothlings wake up. Today has been the day from Hell so far which begs the question, "Is it Monday?" Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

7:30 am Nyx and Nox woke up. I could hear them banging on the wall. I hoped it was someone outside and that they were still asleep, but the soon let out a squeal that let me know it was them. So I get up and start breakfast. As I oven the freezer shit starts falling out for no reason. The fuck? Was there an earthquake that shifted this shit while I was asleep? No, no earthquake. Now our freezer is packed in a way that nothing would just fall out. Chalk it up to randomness.

Breakfast is ready and I open the doors to let the demons run to the dining area. They eat like they never get food. Soon after they finish, Nox starts throwing a fit. Nothing could console this child. So is it just a bad day for her? No... Soon Nyx follows with her crying and throwing herself on the floor in epic fashion and wails. Okay, bad day for the both of them.

Yesterday they were working on our parking lot so we had to park on the street. This morning we were allowed to move our cars back. Keep in mind we had just moved our cars 24 hours ago. I go to start the Beast (my car for now). Nothing. Seriously? We just had a new battery put in a few months ago and the alternator checked out great. It's a five year battery, what the Hell is going on? Xic decides he wants to try to start it. Yeah, like I'd fucking lie about the damn thing not starting and that it's the battery. What do I know? I only grew up around mechanics. Must just be a guy thing. Guess what? It. Didn't. Start. Surprise, surprise.

So he grabs his keys and pulls his car up beside mine and we jump start it. Fucking POS car. If we could, I'd trade that bitch in today. Sadly I have to wait. So we have two cars, but only one runs. Awesome. What else you got, Thursday?

Cranky toddlers all day so far, a car that's an over-sized paperweight, and my pain meds stopped working about 20 minutes ago and I have a massive migraine on top of my back letting me know I can, and will, cry like a bitch. Could I take more meds? Sure, but I choose to wait until the kids are in bed for the night so I can relax and if I rack the fuck out, it's okay because no one will need me at that point.

The good news is, Xic will be home more in the evenings starting Monday for at least four weeks and will soon be making twice what he makes right now. September 7th he has an interview with a place he really wants to work and I hope he gets it. It would mean we have to move, but it would be to a safer place all around. I'm sick of renting and want to start making payment to a place that will be ours. I don't care where it is, as long as we're together, happy, healthy, and there's at least a Walmart. Funny ass shit happens at Walmart, Minions. And let's face it, I'm the crazy, creepy, weird ass neighbor.

~Hekate

A Little History Lesson of Hekate

No, not the real Hekate, but me. Maybe one day I will explain why I use Hekate Jahi as my name, but not tonight. I've taken my meds and may be out cold soon. The past few days I have mentioned I'm on Vicodin. Let me clarify why before people start thinking what my doctor thought before even seeing me. Yeah, I can hear some of you thinking "Pill popping junkie."

In 1994 I had a horse. Yes, a horse. I am Native American and lived on a reservation. You had to have a horse. It was almost mandatory. Anyway, I was worried about hurting my horse and chose not to use a saddle and be like my ancestors. I rode bareback. This takes strength and skill when you run with your horse. It may look easy, but it's not.

So one day I hop onto Lightening and on this day, things went bad. He freaked out for some reason and took off running before I was ready. He bucked, reared up, bucked again, and I fell. I landed on my back and heard The Oracle yell to roll. As I rolled onto my stomach, Lightening began to stomp on me. He hit my left knee, my right wrist, and worst of all my lower back. Lucky for me he hadn't been shoed yet, meaning he didn't have horseshoes on him. When you live on land like we had, it wasn't necessary, and that may have saved me from being paralyzed or killed. Sadly, though, no one took the injury serious at the hospital and didn't even x-ray my back. Fucked up, right? I thought so.

Fast forward a few years and I'm at a neurologist for a follow-up on my epilepsy. Hey, I never said I was a 100% healthy Goth. As he's doing his exam he checks my back. I have scoliosis. Fucking awesome. Still, no one cares I was stepped on by a horse. No big deal, I guess. This same year, I'm a passenger in a car wreck. I get taken to the hospital via ambulance and they check my neck. Nothing broken, but I have the start of degenerative disc disease. Not good when you're just a teen. Still no checking of my lower back. 

A year later, I am playing tackle baseball with my cousin and some friends. Yes, tackle baseball. We made shit up when we got bored. I go to tackle my cousin, who out weighs me by almost 50 lbs, and he ends up causing us to fall backwards and my neck twists and pops. SHIT!!! He jumps up and freaks out asking if I'm okay. I. Can't. Move. This is bad. Very fucking bad. The ambulance gets there and I'm taken to the same hospital that shrugged off my horse accident. Great. They do a CT of my neck and x-ray my back. Torn muscle in my neck and my back has a 13 degree curvature in two spots. Plus the disc in my upper back lack normal spacing from the degenerative disc. They put me through physical therapy and I'm sent packing. 

Years later I've had kids, and after Nyx and Nox I started having real problems. I had fallen in the past, but now I fell down stairs. More than once. My legs were going numb as well as my arms, my feet hurt and burned, and I couldn't sit or stand for long at all. I go to the doc who orders a MRI of my lower back. Scoliosis, degenerative disc, and herniated disc from L4 to S1, and that's just my lower back. I may have more. It's been a year since I found out and I have never been on pain medication for it. I did have injections near my spine. Three rounds of no less than 12 shots each time. It didn't help and my body wouldn't heal. Now I'm experiencing what could be nerve damage from it. I have just been prescribed Vicodin, one pill twice a day as well as put back on my seizure medication. My doctor said "You've been suffering for too long. You need this."

I will make fun of myself for being on it because it makes me semi hyper and I do and say funny ass shit. If I can't laugh at myself, then I fail. I hope you all find it funny too.  I writes these posts to vent and say what I'm thinking when no one is here to talk or if I don't want to stress Xic anymore than he already is. 

I hope you're enjoying my rants and randomness. If you have any ideas or want to share a rant, email me at GothMomRantings@rocketmail.com. Please feel free to share this as well as my Facebook page Random Rantings of a Goth Mom. Goodnight, Minions.

~Hekate

What Time is it?

More like Xic, Hekate, and the Gothlings

If you're a mom, or even a nerd, you probably yelled out "Adventure Time!" If not, fuck you. That's a pretty cool ass show right along with Regular Show. Anyway, there's a reason for the title. Ever heard of Geocashing? It's like hide-and-seek with boxes of stuff using a GPS to find it. Well Xic and I picked up this hobby last year. He had been wanting to do it for a while so I bought him a handheld GPS for Christmas. Yeah, I'm a kick ass wife.

Well today we went on one of these adventures that was a seven part quest. It was fun, challenging, and yet some what annoying. Let me take my meds and then I'll finish this story... 

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, our quest to Mordor. Shut up, that was fucking funny. So this morning we start our journey to the first coordinance. We make it there and have to start by counting planks on a picnic table, then the bolts, add one into something, multiply it by this, and get N 55 55.XXX then take the other and add, subtract, divide and get W 55 55.XXX. Fucking math, Minions! I have no problem with it but, seriously, it was a lot. Anyway, we make it to spot two using what we figured out. Perfect! Hekate still rocks on her math. Spot two has us count windows, letters, columns, pipes, then start adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing all over again. I still got this! Even though people were bitching on the website that the math wasn't right or it was too hard, we had no problems at all. Guess these other douchers were just bad at math or forgot how to count. Or lazy...

Okay, spot three, same thing. Find a sign with numbers, count cables, start math. Got it, good, on to the next spot! Except it was in a state park and we had to pay to get in. No problem, they take cards... Damn it! Fucking closed and it's cash or check. Okay, back home, pick up the check book, and feed the Gothlings while we're at it since it was lunch time. They eat and we leave again. By the way, this entire time I'm tripping balls on the Vicodin I was prescribed yesterday. EPIC! I started laughing at random shit and had the most fucked up squeaky ass laugh at one point. I scared myself. But I digress.

Back to the park and guess what? The fucking window is open and they're taking cards now. Whatever, it's cool. We pay, go in, get the next clue. More numbers, more math, time to move to spot five. This one was on the side of the road. Add letters up, take down number, do math, move on. Spot six was just down the road and we're almost done! Six is the same thing, add letters, math, move on. It's all on foot from here.

We put Nyx and Nox in the jogging stroller and set out. Now me being somewhat smart, I sprayed the Gothlings and myself with bug spray before leaving, but I failed to wear pants. This was my epic fail of the day. Xic refused to put on bug spray. Whatever, you're blood guy. So we start our 3/4 mile hike to the last spot. Oh, and let me say I felt like Deadpool carrying a machete on my back and welding it on the last leg of this trip. BAD. ASS.

The trail is muddy in spots and rough, plus there's tall grass and brush all along the side. Still, family fun and exercise. It's all gravy. Xic is pushing the stroller and we start heading into the wooded area. Guess what we ran into? Mosquitoes! Fucking shit ton of big ass, suck your fucking blood dry, mosquitoes. Good thing I sprayed us all down, right? Oh yeah, except for Xic. Sucks to be him. The fuck! I'm getting attacked too? Fucking mutant ass bugs! I cover Nyx and Nox and start going all Mosquito Ninja on any and every fucking flying insect near them. I got to the point where I fucking said, "I offer myself as tribute!" Yes, I am a nerd. Fucking problem? Didn't think so.

Xic heads down a path the stroller wouldn't make to finish out our journey as I continue to kick mosquito ass. He yells back "Head for the clearing! I'll catch up!" so back up the hill we go still swinging at the dive bombing fuckers as I go. Once we get to the clearing we're in the green zone. Xic catches up, tosses me the keys and says head back to the car, another 3/4 mile hike back, and he'll return the cashe to the spot and catch back up. As he fades back into the mosquito haze, we trek forward to car. Once he catches back up, we load the Gothlings in and leave.

Poor Xic is all scratched up from plants and shit, I got one actual bite on my shoulder, and all we got was a magnet. A fucking magnet. These people need to put cooler shit in the fucking boxes! Assholes.

In other news, Verin is now halfway to his black belt in Karate and in joining a tournament class. The boy takes his training serious, too. I'm proud of him, but fear he may teach his sisters how to really break a door. That's all I need... Oh, and since my meds kicked in, I'm tripping balls again and have no clue what I'm talking about anymore and figure it's time to just STFU until tomorrow. 

~Hekate

Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and Hekate

Yes, Minions, even Goths visit the doc every now and then. Today was a fun little adventure that turned out far different than I expected.

I'm not exactly a morning person, per-say, but if you're going to the doctor mornings are best. Monday mornings are just Hell. Who wants to go to the doc first thing of a morning on a Monday? Apparently, this Goth. I have nothing better to do, right?

Okay, Monday morning doc. I leave the Gothlings with Xic. Smart right? Damn straight. It was his idea. I get in the car (no it's not a hearse) and get the GPS set. What? I haven't been to this quack before and, as much of a bad ass I am, I don't want to be late or get lost. Now shut up and stop laughing, fuckers! Thanks...

Get the GPS set, and in true Monday fashion, it takes me to the wrong fucking address! Well played, GPS. Well played. So I get it set to the correct address, which was only a few blocks the other way, and still get there early. I fucking rock.

Get there, sign in, fill out my autobiography, sign my life away, and wait to be called. And I wait to be called... And I WAIT TO BE CALLED! My appointment was at 9:30 am, I showed up at 9:13 am, and I don't get called back until 10:15. This is normal, right? Sure, if the office was busy as fuck. But it's Monday morning and dead. Seriously. I'm the only fucking person in the damned waiting room. And they wonder why my blood pressure is "a little high" when the check it.

So I get back to the cold, clinical, funky smelling room. What the Hell is that smell anyway? Soap and sanitizer mixed with pine air freshener and alcohol with a hint of lemon and lavender? Sensory fucking overload! 

After Sneezeapaloza 2012 took a short intermission, Vampire Nurse wants my blood. Fun times. I'm the type of stick that sucks. Why? Tiny ass veins that roll and hide. Seriously, they have to use the baby needles on my shrimp ass veins. Hell, Nyx and Nox have bigger, better veins than me! Yes, I'm jealous, because blood draws suck for me. So Vamp here gets me set up and I'm waiting for that bite you feel as the needle pierces through your skin and into your waiting vein... Nothing. I look up as she says, "Apply pressure here for a minute." Damn, Vamp Nurse is good. Now I wait for Dr. Jekyll but expect Mr. Hyde. That's my luck. So I wait...

30 fucking minutes later, my troll looking Dr. Jekyll walks in. Not the cute troll doll troll, the under the bridge, I'm going to eat your soul, looking troll. Then I see it has to be Mr. Hyde. Until he speaks. "What can I do for you, Mrs. Goth?" Pleasant enough voice for an old dude. Okay, so Dr. Jekyll's personality in Mr. Hyde's body. Guess it's better than the other way around, right?

No I explain to not-so-hot-doc about my herniated disc and the past treatments I've had and how I've never been on any pain meds for it. EVER. Poor shocked doc writes me up a referral to a neurosurgeon and says he's going to write me a script for pain relief. I'm thinking oral steroids for inflammation, nope. Dr. Jekyll hands me a paper with Vicodin (APAP/ Hydrocodone) 1 pill, twice daily written on it. Huh? Guess it showed on my face I was confuzeled because he looks at me so serious, puts one hand on my shoulder and says "You need this." Uh... Say what? Is it that bad? It has to be when a medical doctor who, at first, thought you were a drug seeking junkie and almost refused to see you says you need something like Vicodin.

So, until I visit the neurosurgeon and determine what course of action or surgery I'm going to need, I will be even more hilarious than normal. Vicodin makes me hyper, happy, and funny as fuck! You all should enjoy the future blogs...

~Hekate

Halloween Family Fun, Hekate Style!

Verin's first teenage Halloween I am going to teach him the art of TPing someone's house. 

1. Buy the cheapest 1 ply TP. Why? More sheets to the roll and when they do clean up it tears with every pull.
2. Never work alone, but make sure you work with at least one slow running friend who won't rat you out. This is why running track in school is a good thing.
3. Ninja costumes are best for this debauchery. It helps get you in the mind set, you can hide in the shadows, and ninjas are fucking bad ass!
4. If you can, stick to allies and start in the back. Watch out for guard dogs and motion activated lights. This is where the slower, non-snitching friend comes in.
5. Start with trees, bushes, and then the house. Stick to one stories unless you can get a good perch in a tree to hit the second floor and roof.
6. Don't limit yourself by just going over the house. Go around if you have the opportunity and it's dark enough.
7. Spray bottles with water help the paper stick to windows.

Nope, I've never done this before. I'm a good little goth!


~Hekate

First Blog: All About ME! (sort of)

Dark greetings Minions! Yes, I will call you my Minions. Why? Cause it's cool and I like it, now shut up and let me talk! Sheesh!

So since this is my first post, I figured I'd let you into my dark, twisted world to get a feel of who I am and why I'm doing what I do:

I'm a goth. Have been for a long time. What qualifies me as goth? Depends on your definition. Some say wearing black and dark clothing equals goth. Yes, I do that. Some say goths are freaks in bed. Yeah, I guess you could say I am. Some say goths are twisted people who worship Satan. Yeah, wait... Say huh?. Twisted, yes. Worship Satan, no. My theory is he worships me cause I'm just that awesome. But by most definitions I am Goth. I digress...

Let's just say I'm a 30ish stay-at-home-mom. Maybe I'm older, maybe I'm younger. Does age really matter? Yeah, didn't think so. I have three Gothlings, children if you will. Well four actually, but I gave one up for adoption. Long story which is no ones business, so I just claim three.  

Verin, the oldest, is my only boy. Verin was suppose to be a twin, but his twin just couldn't survive. Yes, it's sad, but don't feel bad for me. That's not what this is about. He's smart, too smart sometimes, popular, and somewhat of a pimp. Why do I say that? Because in 2nd grade he has a 6th grade girl ask for his number. Serious WTF moment for me.

Nyx and Nox are my girls. They are twins. They are somewhat surprising. They pulled a door off the frame before they were two. Not once, but twice! Once after it was repaired with longer screws. Still no actual proof of how they did it. Yet another WTF moment for me. Needless to say, I have my hands full.

Then there's Xic, my husband. He's the greatest, though sometimes I would like to kick his arse. He is the only one I know who can handle me. Seriously, he puts me in my place when I need it, and vice versa. When you hear people say that their spouse completes them, most of the time it's just bullshit talk. This man is my completion. He's everything I'm not and can't be. He's ex-military and truly my hero.

So back to me. I am Hekate. I will not use my real name and hope that my friends and family who come here and to my Facebook page will keep my dark secret. If you happen to figure out who I am and stalk me, I. Will. End.You. No joke, you don't want to be on my shit list. What I can't do physically I can make up for in other ways. I'll put you on blast for the world to see. I will make your life a living Hell. And if I can't personally kick your arse, I know a few people who would do it for me. 

Now this blog and my page are meant as an outlet for me to vent about stupidity I encounter and witness in hopes you can either relate and say "Hell yeah!" or laugh your asses off. On my Facebook page I will ban all trolls and people just wanting to start drama. But don't think I won't put your ass in my blog and blast you on Facebook tagging you in my post so all your trolling friends can see. Believe me, I can be ruthless.

I have no filter at times... Okay, most of the time. I do try to keep in mind on Facebook that some people will share my status and pics and will refrain as much as possible from "graphic language". How the fuck ever, here I am making this an Adult Page and you will have to "consent" to view this page. Yes, I will drop the F-bomb from time to time. It's called Freedom of Speech and I will use it. Don't like it? Leave. Now, sit down, grab something to drink, try not to spit it all over your computer, and enjoy.

~Hekate