Dear Apartment Complex:

I am writing this blog/letter/complaint to you and for everyone who has to deal with places like you.

Let's be honest here, the only reason Xic and I decided to move into your place was because all of our other options were either craptacular places or in banjo picking territory. We signed the lease and have followed all the rules to date. We told you when we moved in that we had two cars, you said "No problem. If your garage is full, like most people here, you can park one car in front of the garage and the other in one of the spots on the side." Awesome! No big deal. And then my car crapped out. So Xic and I moved it to the street to open a spot for someone else. We didn't park in that spot for months. One neighbor thought I actually left Xic and took the kids with me. That's how long that spot was open. No one parked there. EVER.

Last month Xic bought me a new car for Christmas. We came back home on December 21st with two cars. I parked in front of the garage and Xic parked in the other spot that no one used. Made more since since he works and leaves almost every day. Guess what happens when he leaves? No one parks in that spot.

You and all your employees drive by here often. You see we're always on the move. So why did you feel the need to leave a note on our door this morning before your office even opened saying we are contributing to the parking problem at our building? Someone fucking complained and I know just what pussy ass, coward bitch said shit too. The middle aged hermit, dried up bitch on the ground floor. We're the only people with two cars, so I know it was directed toward us. Why write a fucking letter? Why not just, oh I don't know, ASK us. Xic works the graveyard shift this week and next but I am always home. You have our number, you could have called and told us that someone was complaining, though I don't know why. What, is she expecting and over sized dildo to be delivered? Because I know for a fact that old smokey back there doesn't get any fucking visitors. Troll face couldn't pay people to visit her! Even Hell Hound runs when he sees her! The fucking community cat wouldn't even go near her and hissed at her when she looked at him! The fuck does that tell you?

I am so fucking glad that we found a new place to move to and can't wait for our lease to be up! Sure we'd have to pay $50 more a month for rent, but we'd get an extra bedroom, more square feet, a patio/balcony, storage room, they have three pools, a hot tub, a tanning bed, fitness center, theater, a playground, and on site movie rental. You don't even have a pool. All you have is... Wait, I know this... OH! A water hose you call a car wash. Gee, I'm so going to miss living here. 

I will come back to visit one of my neighbors, though. That will be the only thing I actually miss.

~Hekate

P.S. Have fun with the carpet in Nyx and Nox's room. When they were sick, they puked and shit on the carpet. LMAO Then there's always the door they tore down. >=D

Love/Hate Relationships

Fair warning, this is going to be laced with insults, name calling, may be "immature" at times, and filled with harsh language. If you have a problem with any of this, turn back now. Otherwise, read on as my anger has reached it's fucking maximum point and to save some poor schmuck from getting his/her throat punched I'm using my blog to vent.


First off, our apartment complex sent us that lovely news letter last week stating they would also be repairing the the parking lot starting on the 6th of August. Fuckers showed up at 8:00 am today and start jack hammering outside our damned window. If you're going to change dates for shit like this, let us know asshole! We're not suppose to drive on these fucking patches for 24 mother fucking hours, so you did two fucking things here: 

1. Trapped some of us in because we sort of fucking respect your wishes.
2. Gave some of us permission to flip you the fuck off double time because work won't fucking wait for shit unless we want to get fired.

Next on my list, fuckheads who bitch and moan because you can't fucking visit them due to your work schedule and needing to pay fucking bills that are important but the mother fucking second they get vacation time they blow you the fuck off. Let me set the mood for why this pisses me off royally right now.


I have "family" that wants me to visit and I live semi close by. We have gone to visit a few times since moving close, but shit happens where money becomes short and you figure paying rent and buying food to feed your family is more important than driving for hours to visit for a day and drive back home. You try your damnedest to go visit and they know what your situation is and say it's "okay". But what happens when you call them? They start asking every fucking time when you're coming for a visit! And when you say you can't just yet, they get all exasperated and say all sarcastic "I understand." Bitch, I don't think you fucking do! And don't even start to try some bull shit fucking guilt trip on me and think I should say fuck you to bills and food for my family just to come sit in your fucking Batcave of a house to cater to your broken ass!


So you call, or they call, and you find out they're going on vacation. You express since you can't make it to see them, why don't they come visit you, even if it's just for a day to drive on through to their next stop or on their way home. Not too much to ask, right? You'd be fucking WRONG! They act like you just asked them to sacrifice their first born, a right fucking nut, and give you $10 million. Are you fucking serious!? You say you want to go to a fucking amusement park? Okay, There's one here near me that's 10 times better than the one you were going to. Trust me, I fucking looked up that joke of a fucking place you chose. Our park has a water park and regular midway fucking theme park in one. Your's? A joke of a fucking arcade and one fucking ride. Living large there, are you Sparky?


This person gets another vacation a month later. Must be fucking nice. You tell them again that your plans of trying to visit before school starts are going to fall through due to job changes and pay cuts, and it would be nice if... You get cut the fuck off mid sentence to hear "We're going to Uber Awesome Theme Park again." The same fucking joke of a park you bitched about last month? Two fucking words for you: FUCK. OFF. Don't fucking ask me ever again to come visit you if you can't one mother fucking day out of your vacation to visit as you're passing right through my fucking city, douche bag! Keep to your fucking self you half hermit living mother fucker. Don't fucking call me bitching about haw your vacation went to fucking Hell in a hand basket so fucking quick it gave you whiplash! I hope you max out your fucking cards and end up filing bankruptcy again because your dumb ass wants to play like you own the fucking world and we all owe you our fucking gratitude for letting us inhabit your space and breathe the same fucking air as you. Guess what, sweet cheeks... Your shit stinks just like mine. Unless you're like my cousin who drank a bottle of expensive ass perfume your Grandma bought. Then it smells somewhat like roses.


Okay, I think I got it all out. I'm cool now. Time to whip up lunch for the Gothlings. All this talk of amusement parks got me wanting corn dogs. And cotton candy. Oh, in case you haven't figured out yet, I'm ADHD.


~Hekate


2:02 pm Someone just drove over the patch work on our lot. LMAO You had it coming, complex!

I'm Feeling my Face Twitch!

Okay, so we live in an apartment complex. A lot of people do. One day Xic, Nyx, Nox, and I were going to go on one of our normal runs at the park. Yes, goths exercise too so STFU and stop imagining me in bondage pants and tripping over chains! Thanks...


Anyway we're walking out and, like normal, I turn the lock on the knob and close the door. Usually Xic has his keys and stuff in his pocket. This was the one day he didn't. *sigh* Now we're locked out and it's before office hours. They open at 10 am and it was 9 am. No biggie, right? Just call the emergency line and get us back in. WRONG! No one answered the emergency number. Wait a damn minute... Emergency number for after hours. You've got to be shitting me! Couldn't climb through a window because we're on the second floor and any window that I might be able to shimmy my ass through was locked. Awesome. Now what?


We decided we'd walk down to get Xic and my hair cut since it's not too far and I, at least, had my wallet. Plus by the time we got back to the complex the office should be open. So off we stroll, got our cuts, paid, walk back. Not it's 10:15. SWEET! Office should be open. Yeah... No. Still closed. So he calls the office number. No answer. Emergency line. Still no answer. WTF is with this place?


A landscaper tells us, "Yeah, I just saw (manager) pull in. Said they had a late night." Wouldn't think too much about this except the manager lives right by the office. It's 10:25 and they just got home? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for having fun and living it up, but if you have to work you need to get your fucking priorities straight.


So we wait. And wait. And wait. It's now 10:48 and the fucking office is still closed! GTFO! Xic continues to call and leaves messages now. No answer, no return calls. I feel this little twitch in my face and my fists start to clench. Goth Mom is getting pissed.


Finally at 10:58, almost two hours later, someone answers the office phone. Their excuse? "The emergency phone wasn't charged. tee-he! I must have forgot to charge it." Bitch, are you for real? Breathe, Hekate. Breathe.


Okay, they unlock the door, we get in, I'm too fucking pissed to do shit and tell Xic to go run cause Nyx and Nox need a snack and a nap now. No big deal, I miss one day. Not like we've locked ourselves out before, and I doubt it will happen again since we're going to place a hide-a-key somewhere. 


Fast forward almost a week later... I get our first newsletter today from the complex. Never have I seen a newsletter from them before. So here's what I see:

"We have been having quite a few people calling after hours due to the fact that they have locked themselves out of their homes. There will be a fee of $25 for unlocking your apartment after hours. We will waive this charge for your first lockout."

Are you serious? First fucking newsletter ever and you feel the need to say that shit? How about putting that shit in the lease agreement? Oh, even better! Open your fucking office on time! After hours my ass! We didn't leave a fucking message until after your ass should have been sitting at your desk playing your apps on your iPhone and stalking people on Facebook on time. We gave you plenty of fucking time to sober your ass up and do your fucking job, bitches. Next time don't party on a school night and maybe people won't kill your buzz or make you regret that massive hangover you have.

~Hekate