Going to the mall for lunch on a rainy day is a treat for us. The kids can play inside at the play area they have, thus tiring them out and making for easy bedtime. Normally our lunch dates are uneventful. Today was different. Come with me on this "I'm going to spork someone's eyes out" journey...
Xic is hot. Really, REALLY hot. He's also my polar opposite. He's the normal guy and I'm, well... Goth. Now I know my husband is eye candy, but there's a point where it becomes too much. Case in point: Bleach Blonde Bitch with Less than A Tits and a Kid on the Hip.
Now Bleachy was checking Xic out. Hard core. It was so bad that he noticed it. That's saying something. Xic doesn't notice when chick are eyeing him up like he's some Greek God they must claim as their own. I notice, though. All the fucking time. Bleachy wasn't even trying to hide it.
Now a guy spending time with his kids is sexy in itself. Watching a hot guy feeding his kids from his plate of Chinese food is probably sensory overload. When said kids happen to be twin girls who are playing the "I'm cute and I know it" card on daddy, hearts melt and panties get wet. I should know. I was sitting across from Xic as this was going on. Which is what made me get somewhat twitchy faced as Bleachy eyed him up and down like she wanted to play the MILF card on my DILF.
He's a clue, Bleachy: If the guy you're eyeing up and down like he's an all you can eat buffet and he cringes without even looking up at you, you're giving off that creepy, Fatal Attraction vibe. and should just move on.
Now when the guy you're eyeing up is also sitting across from a woman who isn't his mother, doesn't look like his sister, and the kids he's feeding look like a mix of DILF and her, chances are it's his wife or girlfriend. He's another clue to look for: WEDDING RINGS. His was easy to spot since he eats left handed and mine isn't exactly small. Just sayin'.
Now if that wasn't enough to put me in an eye sporking mood what happened next was serious "Twitchy Face, Clinched Fists" worthy...
Bleachy moves on just as I asked Xic if I should spork her eyes out and then comes loads of stares and cringing faces. Apparently people in our town haven't seen a Goth before. Or maybe they're use to seeing Goths with "Their own kind". Then again, they may have thought I was going to eat Nyx and Nox... Either way, it came to me saying "Take a fucking picture, it lasts longer. Oh, I'm sorry, does my look offend you? Then don't fucking look at me, bitch!"
Older people I can forgive because they wonder what's wrong with the youth, but when the older people are saying to us "Oh, what cute babies. You two make such beautiful kids" and the younger crowd is making faces when they look at me makes my blood boil and I lose my cool.
I'm use to stares and whispers. I've dealt with it since I was a kid. It doesn't bother me. What bothers the fuck out of me is when you face a disgusted face at me for the way I'm dressed and my black lipstick when your ass looks like they rolled out of the fucking gutter after taking a facial from no less than 20 fucking guys and smell like 3 week old ass and sweat. Then you have the nerve to tell your 50 rolled friend with the Doritos crumbs on their face and the, what I can only assume, grease stain on their shirt that you "Can't believe she walks around like that and he let's her". Seriously, Cum Dumpster? So yeah, of course I'm going to tell you, in a not so polite voice, to shut your fucking mouth and keep walking before I spork a bitch. Next time you want to say something about the way someone is dressed, look in the fucking mirror and make sure to wipe the cum off your face. Oh, and tell your friend to stop wearing mid drift shirts. I had fucking nightmares last night.
~Hekate
Showing posts with label twitchy face. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twitchy face. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
The Mildly Boring, Yet Somewhat Entertaining, Day
T'was another hot day here in Gothland, Minions. At least I didn't have a sick baby today, which pleases me knowing it wasn't anything serious and that it wasn't anything a good nights sleep couldn't cured.
So it started off as a boring day, but soon shit got interesting. Crazy with a 100% chance of twitchy face. Take a journey with me through today's event:
Xic has reserve duty this weekend. No biggie, one weekend a month, two weeks a year. Yeah, no biggie. He just has to wake up at 0430 to get ready and his alarm is the annoyingly loud, obnoxious one that could send someone into immediate fight mode with stabbing tendencies. Oh how I abhor that alarm. Yeah, new word for you. I may use my extensive vocabulary at times, but trust me, most of the time it will be "Fuckity, fuck, fucking, fucker". Okay, back to today. Xic leaves for duty and I go back to sleep for a few more hours before the Gothlings wake up. I get a text around 8:00 am saying that the unit Xic is in is going to try to force him through his "medical shit." Short back story: Xic has been told he may have sleep apnea and needs a sleep study. Therefore he can't deploy for his two week time when it hits. He has an appointment for the referral on Monday and they'll schedule his sleep study as soon as they can. May be a week, may be a month, may be more. So I kind of get pissy and rant to Xic about it. Spouting off the condition, how it's a risk to speed through it all, and they can't send him out against a medical profile, blah, blah, fuckity blah. Yeah, so that got out of my system quick. Sorry, Xic! Yeah, take note that that will probably be the only time I apologize.
Day goes on, not much happens. Same shit, different day. Nyx and Nox fight over toys, books, blankets... If you have kids, you know that after a while, you only respond if there's the sound of something breaking, you smell smoke, or hear the blood curdling scream that says something is wrong. Every other cry gets the "Work it out yourself" response. Most of the time. Well my little demons have taken their fights to the next level. Level: Toddler Epic. What's Toddle Epic? That would be the smashing books, toys, and whatever else they can get their grubby little hands on over the other one's head. On. Purpose. Not like the normal "What happens if I do this?" but the "You took my toy? Oh Hell no!" hit. This one I respond to because I hear the smack followed by the "Oh my gawd, the sky is falling" cry. If that isn't enough, they now push each other off of the bed. While standing and jumping. Or climb on the toy bin and push the other off.
I yelled at a neighbor, or visitor I don't know or care, today. We have assigned parking here for some spots. Xic is gone and our space is open. So what do you think doucher did? Yep, parked in our spot right in front of our garage clearly marked with our apartment number/letter. Douchwaffle isn't even in our building so there's no excuse. So I go down and say, as nicely as I can since my uterus is about to go nuclear on me, that he can't park in our space and will need to move as I am expecting my husband back soon. It wasn't a lie either, Xic should would have been back within an hour. So SlimEnDim says "I can park where ever the fuck I want to park. No trick bitch can make me move!" Oh buddy, you just fucked up. So I reply, again as nicely and now sarcastically, "If you stay in out spot my husband will end up blocking you in. But hey, you're call." As I start to walk away he yells, "If he does, then I'll just ram his fucking car out of my way when I leave!" Twitchy face, clinched fists, and ready to throw down I say, "Fine. You do that. Oh, but if you don't move your car in 3 fucking minutes, I will call the tow company and have it removed. If my husband gets back and you ram his car, be prepared to have your car tagged, buckets of paint poured on it, the windows smashed, tires slashed, bloody fucking tampons and pads glues to it, and rancid shitty diapers smeared on the inside and left. I have a diaper genii filled with them. Your move, asshole." His jaw dropped and he immediately moved his car without a single word spoken after that. Okay, maybe my day wasn't that boring. I'm just use to this shit.
Xic had to go back to base and now I'm waiting for him to get home. In theory he should have been back, or at least on his way, by now. Gotta love the military. So I'm sitting here, listening to the sounds our neighbor kids fighting and can't help but laugh at the mom saying they fight worse than any other siblings. I doubt that. I think for now, Nyx and Nox hold the title of "Craziest Sibling Fights". Or is it normal for toddlers to slam each other's head into the walls leaving dents and laughing after it's over?
So it started off as a boring day, but soon shit got interesting. Crazy with a 100% chance of twitchy face. Take a journey with me through today's event:
Xic has reserve duty this weekend. No biggie, one weekend a month, two weeks a year. Yeah, no biggie. He just has to wake up at 0430 to get ready and his alarm is the annoyingly loud, obnoxious one that could send someone into immediate fight mode with stabbing tendencies. Oh how I abhor that alarm. Yeah, new word for you. I may use my extensive vocabulary at times, but trust me, most of the time it will be "Fuckity, fuck, fucking, fucker". Okay, back to today. Xic leaves for duty and I go back to sleep for a few more hours before the Gothlings wake up. I get a text around 8:00 am saying that the unit Xic is in is going to try to force him through his "medical shit." Short back story: Xic has been told he may have sleep apnea and needs a sleep study. Therefore he can't deploy for his two week time when it hits. He has an appointment for the referral on Monday and they'll schedule his sleep study as soon as they can. May be a week, may be a month, may be more. So I kind of get pissy and rant to Xic about it. Spouting off the condition, how it's a risk to speed through it all, and they can't send him out against a medical profile, blah, blah, fuckity blah. Yeah, so that got out of my system quick. Sorry, Xic! Yeah, take note that that will probably be the only time I apologize.
Day goes on, not much happens. Same shit, different day. Nyx and Nox fight over toys, books, blankets... If you have kids, you know that after a while, you only respond if there's the sound of something breaking, you smell smoke, or hear the blood curdling scream that says something is wrong. Every other cry gets the "Work it out yourself" response. Most of the time. Well my little demons have taken their fights to the next level. Level: Toddler Epic. What's Toddle Epic? That would be the smashing books, toys, and whatever else they can get their grubby little hands on over the other one's head. On. Purpose. Not like the normal "What happens if I do this?" but the "You took my toy? Oh Hell no!" hit. This one I respond to because I hear the smack followed by the "Oh my gawd, the sky is falling" cry. If that isn't enough, they now push each other off of the bed. While standing and jumping. Or climb on the toy bin and push the other off.
I yelled at a neighbor, or visitor I don't know or care, today. We have assigned parking here for some spots. Xic is gone and our space is open. So what do you think doucher did? Yep, parked in our spot right in front of our garage clearly marked with our apartment number/letter. Douchwaffle isn't even in our building so there's no excuse. So I go down and say, as nicely as I can since my uterus is about to go nuclear on me, that he can't park in our space and will need to move as I am expecting my husband back soon. It wasn't a lie either, Xic should would have been back within an hour. So SlimEnDim says "I can park where ever the fuck I want to park. No trick bitch can make me move!" Oh buddy, you just fucked up. So I reply, again as nicely and now sarcastically, "If you stay in out spot my husband will end up blocking you in. But hey, you're call." As I start to walk away he yells, "If he does, then I'll just ram his fucking car out of my way when I leave!" Twitchy face, clinched fists, and ready to throw down I say, "Fine. You do that. Oh, but if you don't move your car in 3 fucking minutes, I will call the tow company and have it removed. If my husband gets back and you ram his car, be prepared to have your car tagged, buckets of paint poured on it, the windows smashed, tires slashed, bloody fucking tampons and pads glues to it, and rancid shitty diapers smeared on the inside and left. I have a diaper genii filled with them. Your move, asshole." His jaw dropped and he immediately moved his car without a single word spoken after that. Okay, maybe my day wasn't that boring. I'm just use to this shit.
Xic had to go back to base and now I'm waiting for him to get home. In theory he should have been back, or at least on his way, by now. Gotta love the military. So I'm sitting here, listening to the sounds our neighbor kids fighting and can't help but laugh at the mom saying they fight worse than any other siblings. I doubt that. I think for now, Nyx and Nox hold the title of "Craziest Sibling Fights". Or is it normal for toddlers to slam each other's head into the walls leaving dents and laughing after it's over?
Thursday, August 9, 2012
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?
Minions, every once in a while I'll rant about douchewaffles, twatwaffles, and complete fucking jackasses I encounter, but this takes the fucking cake one fucking idiot and wins the Fucked Up Parent Award in my book!
I hate the news because it's fucking depressing as Hell, but this caught my eye and as a parent I am screaming at my computer "What the fuck was he thinking?!?" Seriously! Now I have rode a few motorcycles in my time, some as a kid and some as an adult, but never would I think, nor would any sane mother fucking person, put a one-year-old baby between the handle bars and themselves! A child that age can't even hold on for piggy back rides well, what the Hell was this "father" thinking? On top of that, he was going over the 10 MPH limit set in their complex! Was he actively trying to kill himself and his child? Was this just a lapse of judgment on his part? Was he drunk and not thinking clearly? Seriously!
I know the boys mother is in Hell right now morning the death of her baby boy, and I do feel bad for her. No parent should have to go through that. Ever. But where was she when this was going on? Did she allow the guy to do this? Was she at work and had no idea? If she didn't know, then I feel even worse for her. How the fuck ever, if she knew this was going on and didn't fucking try to stop this shit, she's just as much to blame as the father.
As for Douche-bag Dad, he may feel guilty about this, but he's the fucking moron who did this shit and put his son's life in danger and it cost a little boy his life! That's something you just don't do as a parent! You spend your every waking moment protecting your kids! You do everything in your power to keep them safe! I hope he's haunted every fucking day with the image of his son's last moments alive. I hope he lives in fucking torment knowing he killed his son. And I hope they press charges against him and put him in prison for reckless endangerment and vehicular homicide! On top of that, I hope every fucking person in the prison he's in finds out what he did and throws him a blanket party!
Am I pissed off? Damn right I am! And it's not even my child or a relative! Imagine what the fuck I would do and say if it were? If Xic ever pulled a stunt like that, he would hope he died from injuries because I would be his worst fucking nightmare and he knows it. I swear, fucking people need a licence to have kids!
I hope the mother of this boy didn't know that the dad was doing this. I really do. Because if she knew, she should be charged with reckless endangerment and an accessory to homicide and deserves the same fucking treatment as the dad. If they manage to work a deal and get a slap on the wrist sentence, they better hope I never meet them or see them walking in my town, because I will beat the shit out of them and torture them for days before ending their life in a slow and painful way. Again, I'm not even related to this baby and I have these feelings. I get this way with every report I hear about a child being abused or killed.
If you don't agree with me, that's fine. That's your right. But this is my blog and I'll voice my opinion and thoughts about whatever I want. Don't expect an apology from me, either.
I'm done for now. I'm going to give Nyx and Nox their bath now and hug them extra tight tonight before they push me, proceed to tackle me from behind, and use me as their personal tree to climb. And I'll love every second of it even though I'll complain at the time.
~Hekate
I hate the news because it's fucking depressing as Hell, but this caught my eye and as a parent I am screaming at my computer "What the fuck was he thinking?!?" Seriously! Now I have rode a few motorcycles in my time, some as a kid and some as an adult, but never would I think, nor would any sane mother fucking person, put a one-year-old baby between the handle bars and themselves! A child that age can't even hold on for piggy back rides well, what the Hell was this "father" thinking? On top of that, he was going over the 10 MPH limit set in their complex! Was he actively trying to kill himself and his child? Was this just a lapse of judgment on his part? Was he drunk and not thinking clearly? Seriously!
I know the boys mother is in Hell right now morning the death of her baby boy, and I do feel bad for her. No parent should have to go through that. Ever. But where was she when this was going on? Did she allow the guy to do this? Was she at work and had no idea? If she didn't know, then I feel even worse for her. How the fuck ever, if she knew this was going on and didn't fucking try to stop this shit, she's just as much to blame as the father.
As for Douche-bag Dad, he may feel guilty about this, but he's the fucking moron who did this shit and put his son's life in danger and it cost a little boy his life! That's something you just don't do as a parent! You spend your every waking moment protecting your kids! You do everything in your power to keep them safe! I hope he's haunted every fucking day with the image of his son's last moments alive. I hope he lives in fucking torment knowing he killed his son. And I hope they press charges against him and put him in prison for reckless endangerment and vehicular homicide! On top of that, I hope every fucking person in the prison he's in finds out what he did and throws him a blanket party!
Am I pissed off? Damn right I am! And it's not even my child or a relative! Imagine what the fuck I would do and say if it were? If Xic ever pulled a stunt like that, he would hope he died from injuries because I would be his worst fucking nightmare and he knows it. I swear, fucking people need a licence to have kids!
I hope the mother of this boy didn't know that the dad was doing this. I really do. Because if she knew, she should be charged with reckless endangerment and an accessory to homicide and deserves the same fucking treatment as the dad. If they manage to work a deal and get a slap on the wrist sentence, they better hope I never meet them or see them walking in my town, because I will beat the shit out of them and torture them for days before ending their life in a slow and painful way. Again, I'm not even related to this baby and I have these feelings. I get this way with every report I hear about a child being abused or killed.
If you don't agree with me, that's fine. That's your right. But this is my blog and I'll voice my opinion and thoughts about whatever I want. Don't expect an apology from me, either.
I'm done for now. I'm going to give Nyx and Nox their bath now and hug them extra tight tonight before they push me, proceed to tackle me from behind, and use me as their personal tree to climb. And I'll love every second of it even though I'll complain at the time.
~Hekate
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Twitchy Face, Clinched Fists, and Ready to Explode
Okay, recently I came out to my family and friends as being bisexual. Soon everyone will see why I didn't tell anyone for 16 fucking years! Good thing I don''t give a fuck who I piss off now and if you're reading this and find out it's about you, GOOD!
Okay, I called The Oracle and Matrix and let them know that I was bi. After shock and awe wore off it came to the "Okay, you're still you" state and then it was like nothing changed. Good right? You would think so...
So I posted on Facebook because I don't care who knows now. If you love and respect me, you'll support me no matter what I say. How the fuck ever if you want to be a fucking twatwaffle bitch who loves drama and lives for it, you Skype me. And this is what happened so far.
We'll call this "family" member Sassy. Sassy calls and I answer. Sassy then asks what I posted on Facebook. Knowing that she can clearly read it, I go ahead and answer her with "What, that I'm bisexual?" I then get a somewhat toned down version of why the fuck would I post it on Facebook. Who the fuck cares, bitch? I'm not ashamed and not hiding it anymore. Obviously I don't care if people know. I then get a broken up lecture of sorts about how "My family doesn't care, you are who you are" and how I'm, guessing, a bad person for not coming out sooner to my family. Again, you care and matter because...
Well I'm guessing I pissed her off with my reason for not coming out sooner: Fear of being exiled from my family and made to feel like I'm a horrible person. Keep in mind here I was in junior high when I knew, and felt like if I came out I would get kicked out of my house with nowhere to go. What would you do? Stay in the fucking closet is what I chose. My choice here, sweet cheeks. Oh, and no, that wasn't a fucking come on. Sorry, but you don't do it for me. No hard feelings, right?
Okay, your family is understanding. Mine was not at the time. Get it? If I was in your family, I wouldn't have felt the need to hide it. In my family, I felt it was better to keep it secret. Oh, are you bisexual? Are you gay? No? Then how the fuck do you expect to relate to what I'm feeling at any given fucking moment here, twat? Yeah, shut the fuck up, sit down, and keep your damn mouth shut until I'm fucking done. Oh, and I do have the fucking balls to say all of this to your face. Not over Skype, not over the phone, not email, not just here, not Facebook... IN. PERSON. You already know I can get pissed. I believe I shut you up once or twice before when you though I was a pansy ass pushover. See, I let you see only what I wanted you to see. It's called a bluff. Your's sucks. Just sayin'.
Anyway, as I'm about to fucking explain to this mother fucking twit why I did what I did, the call breaks up and drops. Well, maybe. I she could have just played like it was breaking up and just hung up because she wants to play Billie Bad Ass to her "fiance'". Whatever, don't care. But let me say this: People like you are why I didn't say anything. Because even though Xic knows, my family knows now, and your family as well, you are the only one who seems to have a problem with it. So what if I waited 16, 17, or 30 fucking years? The only one giving me grief about it is YOU. Now, ask me how many fucks I give. Uh, none. You know why? Because YOU don't matter to ME. You are nothing. You bitch about how Xic doesn't call you... Could it be that he has no respect for you because you're a drop out, ex-stripper, pot head who seems to pick fights with his wife? No? Maybe it's because you're nothing but drama? No? Oh, I know! Because you're just a bitch that doesn't really matter to us! Again, no hard feelings, right?
Oh, just to be clear: I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. LICK. YOUR. PANOOCH. Got it? Good. Now piss off, wanker!
~Hekate
Okay, I called The Oracle and Matrix and let them know that I was bi. After shock and awe wore off it came to the "Okay, you're still you" state and then it was like nothing changed. Good right? You would think so...
So I posted on Facebook because I don't care who knows now. If you love and respect me, you'll support me no matter what I say. How the fuck ever if you want to be a fucking twatwaffle bitch who loves drama and lives for it, you Skype me. And this is what happened so far.
We'll call this "family" member Sassy. Sassy calls and I answer. Sassy then asks what I posted on Facebook. Knowing that she can clearly read it, I go ahead and answer her with "What, that I'm bisexual?" I then get a somewhat toned down version of why the fuck would I post it on Facebook. Who the fuck cares, bitch? I'm not ashamed and not hiding it anymore. Obviously I don't care if people know. I then get a broken up lecture of sorts about how "My family doesn't care, you are who you are" and how I'm, guessing, a bad person for not coming out sooner to my family. Again, you care and matter because...
Well I'm guessing I pissed her off with my reason for not coming out sooner: Fear of being exiled from my family and made to feel like I'm a horrible person. Keep in mind here I was in junior high when I knew, and felt like if I came out I would get kicked out of my house with nowhere to go. What would you do? Stay in the fucking closet is what I chose. My choice here, sweet cheeks. Oh, and no, that wasn't a fucking come on. Sorry, but you don't do it for me. No hard feelings, right?
Okay, your family is understanding. Mine was not at the time. Get it? If I was in your family, I wouldn't have felt the need to hide it. In my family, I felt it was better to keep it secret. Oh, are you bisexual? Are you gay? No? Then how the fuck do you expect to relate to what I'm feeling at any given fucking moment here, twat? Yeah, shut the fuck up, sit down, and keep your damn mouth shut until I'm fucking done. Oh, and I do have the fucking balls to say all of this to your face. Not over Skype, not over the phone, not email, not just here, not Facebook... IN. PERSON. You already know I can get pissed. I believe I shut you up once or twice before when you though I was a pansy ass pushover. See, I let you see only what I wanted you to see. It's called a bluff. Your's sucks. Just sayin'.
Anyway, as I'm about to fucking explain to this mother fucking twit why I did what I did, the call breaks up and drops. Well, maybe. I she could have just played like it was breaking up and just hung up because she wants to play Billie Bad Ass to her "fiance'". Whatever, don't care. But let me say this: People like you are why I didn't say anything. Because even though Xic knows, my family knows now, and your family as well, you are the only one who seems to have a problem with it. So what if I waited 16, 17, or 30 fucking years? The only one giving me grief about it is YOU. Now, ask me how many fucks I give. Uh, none. You know why? Because YOU don't matter to ME. You are nothing. You bitch about how Xic doesn't call you... Could it be that he has no respect for you because you're a drop out, ex-stripper, pot head who seems to pick fights with his wife? No? Maybe it's because you're nothing but drama? No? Oh, I know! Because you're just a bitch that doesn't really matter to us! Again, no hard feelings, right?
Oh, just to be clear: I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. LICK. YOUR. PANOOCH. Got it? Good. Now piss off, wanker!
~Hekate
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