Lunch at the Mall...

Going to the mall for lunch on a rainy day is a treat for us. The kids can play inside at the play area they have, thus tiring them out and making for easy bedtime. Normally our lunch dates are uneventful. Today was different. Come with me on this "I'm going to spork someone's eyes out" journey...

Xic is hot. Really, REALLY hot. He's also my polar opposite. He's the normal guy and I'm, well... Goth. Now I know my husband is eye candy, but there's a point where it becomes too much. Case in point: Bleach Blonde Bitch with Less than A Tits and a Kid on the Hip.

Now Bleachy was checking Xic out. Hard core. It was so bad that he noticed it. That's saying something. Xic doesn't notice when chick are eyeing him up like he's some Greek God they must claim as their own. I notice, though. All the fucking time. Bleachy wasn't even trying to hide it.

Now a guy spending time with his kids is sexy in itself. Watching a hot guy feeding his kids from his plate of Chinese food is probably sensory overload. When said kids happen to be twin girls who are playing the "I'm cute and I know it" card on daddy, hearts melt and panties get wet. I should know. I was sitting across from Xic as this was going on. Which is what made me get somewhat twitchy faced as Bleachy eyed him up and down like she wanted to play the MILF card on my DILF.

He's a clue, Bleachy: If the guy you're eyeing up and down like he's an all you can eat buffet and he cringes without even looking up at you, you're giving off that creepy, Fatal Attraction vibe. and should just move on.

Now when the guy you're eyeing up is also sitting across from a woman who isn't his mother, doesn't look like his sister, and the kids he's feeding look like a mix of DILF and her, chances are it's his wife or girlfriend. He's another clue to look for: WEDDING RINGS. His was easy to spot since he eats left handed and mine isn't exactly small. Just sayin'.

Now if that wasn't enough to put me in an eye sporking mood what happened next was serious "Twitchy Face, Clinched Fists" worthy...

Bleachy moves on just as I asked Xic if I should spork her eyes out and then comes loads of stares and cringing faces. Apparently people in our town haven't seen a Goth before. Or maybe they're use to seeing Goths with "Their own kind". Then again, they may have thought I was going to eat Nyx and Nox... Either way, it came to me saying "Take a fucking picture, it lasts longer. Oh, I'm sorry, does my look offend you? Then don't fucking look at me, bitch!"

Older people I can forgive because they wonder what's wrong with the youth, but when the older people are saying to us "Oh, what cute babies. You two make such beautiful kids" and the younger crowd is making faces when they look at me makes my blood boil and I lose my cool.

I'm use to stares and whispers. I've dealt with it since I was a kid. It doesn't bother me. What bothers the fuck out of me is when you face a disgusted face at me for the way I'm dressed and my black lipstick when your ass looks like they rolled out of the fucking gutter after taking a facial from no less than 20 fucking guys and smell like 3 week old ass and sweat. Then you have the nerve to tell your 50 rolled friend with the Doritos crumbs on their face and the, what I can only assume, grease stain on their shirt that you "Can't believe she walks around like that and he let's her". Seriously, Cum Dumpster? So yeah, of course I'm going to tell you, in a not so polite voice, to shut your fucking mouth and keep walking before I spork a bitch. Next time you want to say something about the way someone is dressed, look in the fucking mirror and make sure to wipe the cum off your face. Oh, and tell your friend to stop wearing mid drift shirts. I had fucking nightmares last night.

~Hekate

Someone Needs an Ass Kicking...

Right now, Minions, I'm in a very pissed off mood and this could go one of two ways for you:

1. This chick is funny as FUCK!
2. Oh damn, I think she's talking about me!

There may be a point where you fit into both. Now, without any further fucking ado, I give you today's post.

I. FUCKING. HATE. CHEATERS. Plain and simple. Any form of cheater. The worst? Relationship cheaters. The douche/twat who just can't be fucking happy with the one person they have so they have more. More flirting, more sex, more what-the-fuck-ever it is they think they need. I've had to deal with cheaters before. More than once. How do I deal? Usually revenge.

Take one of my ex's, Gay-vy. Seemed like a good enough guy. We got "married" (turns out it wasn't legal because some paperwork was misfiled) and after a few months, I found out I was pregnant. I drove home to tell my "husband" the good news to find him in bed with... *pause for dramatic effect*... Another guy. Yep. Home skillet was gay and faked it with me. Not sure if I should think I was that good or if I'm manish... Anyway, after the fight and shit that happened after I found out, I took his credit card, bank card, and the car. I drove and got my tongue pierced, bought a shit ton of new goth clothes since eh destroyed all of my old ones, and fucked his car up hard core. I then drove back and tossed him the keys and took what money he had left and hopped on the train to The Oracle's in sunny SoCal. Next thing I hear, Deep Throater was driving when the engine started acting up (odd?) and a tire blew out (new tires, odd again?) and he flipped his car. Oh, the kicker... He was in the hospital getting his... Member... stitched up because his boyfriend bit him during the rollover. Just say NO to road head.

Then there was Constant Flirt. No matter what, this one had to flirt with every fucking bitch with a pussy. I swear. Shit became too much so I started flirting too. Only, I flirted with everyone. Guy, girls, it didn't matter. He flipped the fuck out and left because it was too much for him to handle. Watching the girl he wanted to marry flirt with everyone with no regard for his feelings. Boo fucking hoo. Zero fucks were given when he left.

Then there was Lilith (not her real name). I thought she was perfect. She was the first real person I knew. No games with her. Or so I thought. I was wrong. Bitch was running game for days! She was with a different guy every time I was on a shoot (I was a model and actress back in the day) and a different chick when I was working in The Haunted Hotel. So what did I do? Put hot sauce on her vibe. She wanted to be Miss Hot Crotch, fine. I'd help her along. Childish, yes. But funny as fuck when I saw her the week after I left. She couldn't figure out why she had blisters and burns. (Hint: Soak that fucker for a few days if it's silicone or something that is absorbent.)

The worst thing ever is someone who thinks about cheating, plans on cheating, cheats, and fucking talks in their damn sleep about the fucking shit! Cheese and fucking rice! It's bad enough that you have/are doing the deed, but I don't need to fucking here about it in detail when you're sleeping! I have seriously thought of severing vocal cords. Same goes wen you flirt knowing that shit is wrong and you fucking call me their name as you cuddle into me. I should have fucking beat your ass with a bat then and there, fucker. But I didn't. No, what I did was worse. I let Karma deal with your ass. Then when shit happened again, I didn't do anything again because Crazy Bitch did it herself. Repeatedly. For months. Then there was the sexting that I was forwarded as well (all of this happened within a few months) from another source. Fucking really? When the fuck were you going to learn? My guess, NEVER. Shit just kept fucking happening. Then one day... It stopped. Just like that. It was a "What the fuck just happened?" moment. I forgave shit that normally would have had me walking after inflicting horrible pain and torture on you. Forgave, never forgotten. Shit still hurts to this day.

So, for all you fuckers out there who think you won't get caught, you're too slick and have far too much game: WRONG, ASSHOLES! Shit always gets found out. Someway or another. If you're a sleep talker, you might as well just fess up to every thought you ever had. Seriously, because someone might start hitting you with random objects on night. Or you end up on the six o'clock news when your body is found several miles down a river bank. Just sayin'.

~Hekate

Anonymous

No, I'm not talking about me being anonymous. I have my reason for hiding behind my pen name: To protect my kids. No, no. This post is about the hacking group Anonymous. Say what you want about the group of hacktivists, but after the video and info I saw on YouTube (now removed) I FUCKING LOVE THEM!

If you don't know the story of Amanda Todd, it's one of torment, extortion, bullying, and ultimately resulted in her death.

She's not the first person to be bullied to death and sadly I know she won't be the last. I take this topic very seriously as I myself was bullied and extorted by people when I was younger. I tried to kill myself the justice system failed me, but luckily I had a true friend to save me from myself. But that's another story entirely.

Amanda lost her "friends" and respect of her peers all because some fucktard decided they wanted to get their rocks off and exploit her. I use the term "friends" lightly because true friends wouldn't turn their back on you or do the things these immature assholes did. That info will come later...

Now, as for the person(s) involved in the release of her picture: These type of people are the lowest forms of life among us. They have such pathetic, insignificant lives that they need to manipulate anyone they can. Sadly, it's our youth that is the easiest to target. Now, thanks to Anonymous, they release the identity of one of these sleazebags (and another I believe, but I don't have that info right now). I don't care if people say "Oh, this does more harm than good." I say BULL SHIT! This is the best thing EVER! Why? Because if he's responsible, even if he's just a second or third in command, this guy is now exposed for what he is: A Pedophile! He's a sick fuck. Thank you, Anonymous, for releasing his info. And if I lived closer, I might just kick down this fuckers door and beat the fuck out of him, take pictures, and plaster them all over the interwebs for all to see a bruised, bloody, pathetic, waste of oxygen have his ass kicked by a survivor of this shit.

Now, as for the "friends" who turned their backs on Amanda when she needed them the most: You're no fucking better! How dare you claim to be a friend and then post and tag her in pictures of the shit you did! If you all were my kids, I'd fuck you up. Your asses would be drinking your fucking meals through a straw for the rest of your life if I let you fucking live. You deserve to be punished just as harshly for causing her death. Her death may be ruled a suicide, but believe me when I say that you and her tormentors killed her! It's murder in my eyes, you little bastards! I hope the though haunts you for the rest of your existence. I hope you are labeled as a bully and a killer. I hope you're exposed during the investigation, people learn your true nature, and charges are brought against you.

Now before you all get preachy on me and send me nasty emails about how I'm being mean and shouldn't wish ill on these "misguided" kids and the persons behind the leaking of Amanda's photo let me remind you: MY BLOG, MY OPINION, AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Are we clear? Think how you would feel if it were your child being extorted. Maybe even yourself. You would want retribution, correct? In any form you could get, right? Yeah, so shut the fuck up with your "Two wrongs don't make a right" bull shit and jump on the vent wagon with me.

~Hekate

Hekate? With a Purse?

If you haven't read my previous post Shout Out to an Awesome Crafter, I'm going to fill you in one this person here.

Okay, she makes purses out of... Ready? Duct Tape! Seriously. And before you start thinking "Uh, no thanks. That just sounds weird." Don't knock it yet.

Now I'm not talking about plain silver Duct Tape that you see. No, not at all. I'm talking all the prints you see. Skulls, checkerboard, plaid, dragons... This chick is good!

"But, Hekate... How do you know?"

Glad you asked that. Because yesterday I got my purse from her! Yes, Minions, your favorite Goth Mom is rocking a purse. Now I don't carry purses, I usually just have a wallet in my back pocket. Linkin Park one at that, but I digress. Yesterday I got the package I had been waiting for. My very own Dragon Clutch Purse by Em.

I just got up.

The picture doesn't do it justice. But since Xic has my preferred camera in the trunk of his car, I had to use my web cam. 

It's not heavy like you would think. It's light, soft, flexible, has a magnetic closure, mine has a gold chain, it's just fucking awesome!

If you're interested in getting one like mine, or want to check out her other projects (trust me, you do), head on over to her shop. She has a discount going on right now for 15% off until further notice. So what are you waiting for? There's something for everyone. Let her know I sent you.

~Hekate

P.S. Em, if you're reading this: I made a special trip to the store last night after I got it just to show it off!

There's Stereotypes, Then There's You

Yes, Annoying Neighbor Across the Lot, I am referring to you. You moved in a little over a month ago and I can't help but notice you play to EVERY FUCKING STEREOTYPE bestowed upon you and then some extra. How so? Where do I start?

First off, when you moved in you had "Ya boyz" (as you said) help unload everything at night so "The Spic Bitch across the way" wouldn't tell her million family members what you had. Nice to know you had me pegged from day one. And it's 2 million, asshole.

Second, during the day you walk around with your do rag on, pants hanging halfway off your ass, smoking a Black n Mild (I can smell it over here). If that wasn't enough into the stereotype, you then came home four days a week for three weeks with KFC. Someone's gonna have high cholesterol!

What came next was just too damn much. You drove home a few weeks ago driving a Cadillac Escalade with the bass so high our windows rattled and smoke rolling out of the windows. Really? The kicker, it smelled like burning trash. Hmm... Wonder what you were smoking?

The other night, you and "Ya Boyz" were hanging out in your garage drinking and conversing about any and every "Big booty bitch" who had the pleasure of riding your dick. Nice. And it lasted well past 1:00 am. We had to close our windows so Xic could sleep for work. 

Speaking of work. What the fuck do you do? You never leave for extended periods of time, but your wife, or girlfriend, or whatever she is does. So what is it that you do? Never mind. I don't know if I want to know.

Today was just too much that I couldn't help but laugh my ass off when drove up. You get out of your Escalade with yet another bucket of KFC (BTW I'm fucking jealous now cause I want some extra crispy), Black n Mild in your mouth, pants falling down, do rag in place. You go inside come back out and take a watermelon out of the back and a bag with three big things of Grape Kool-Aid mix (I know my Kool-Aid, don't ask).

How the fuck am I NOT suppose to think the stereotype bestowed upon you? I fucking HATE stereotypes with a passion! Everyone lumps me into several different ones: The "Spic Bitch with family out the Yin Yang and a shit ton of kids, The Drunken Indian who lives off casino money (I wish!), The Smelly Indian who eats a shit ton of curry (Uh, yuck!), The Goth Bitch who is pissed off at the world and lets everyone know it (Okay, half true), The Emo Chick who had a charmed life and cuts herself (Emo's make me sick and it's too close to Elmo), and last, but not least, The Wiccan Witch who will put a curse on you if you look at her wrong. I have too many to keep up with! 

Some I play with when I know it freaks people out, but I fucking hate being labeled. So why, Annoying Neighbor Across the Lot, why do you play into it yet get pissed off if someone brings it to your attention? Like your "Cuz" a few minutes ago? Jeez, he drives a Honda Accord and was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that fit. So for now, while you still deny you're playing into the stereotype, I am going to keep facepalming when you do and laugh my ass off when you get carried away with it.

~Hekate

P.S. Take your cousin's advice and pull up your damned pants. You do, in fact, look like a fucking idiot.

Where I've Been...

Ever been in pain for more than two weeks and going on a month and it not be from an operation or recent injury? Yeah, that's been my life for the last few weeks. Remember the nerve test that was going to be done? Not any more. My insurance never cleared it so it's not happening. Thank you insurance! Seriously. I hate that fucking test.

Now on top of this pain that won't go the fuck away, I have a virus. Not sure if it's a 24 hour, 48 hour, or what right now. It just hit me this morning. Sure it did. It's only Xic's first day back at work. Why wouldn't it hit now?

The neighbors have been quiet since my last rant about them, so they're no fun to write about now. Damn them. I did find out that there is one neighbor who hasn't been scared off by me and doesn't think I'm too weird for playing "Zombie Apocalypse" with Nyx and Nox (I chase them around moaning "Braaaaaains" and proceed to chew on their heads when I catch them). How do I know she's not put off by us? Xic and I were taking the rails to the cribs down to the garage the other day and she almost cried thinking we were moving. When we explained what we were doing, she let out a sigh of relief. Guess the twins stole yet another heart.

Nyx and Nox have been obsessed with Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel movie. Nox goes all fan girl on me. She'll be standing, waiting for the movie to start. The second she hears Alvin laugh and say "We're baack!" she pulls her hands to her mouth, eyes big, smiling and holding back a squeal. Every. Single. Time. At least it's Alvin and not *vomit* Justin Bieber.

So that's about it. Nothing exciting has happened. Maybe soon Hecate will post a blog. I know she's had some interesting, crazy, fucked up shit happen to her! Poor sis. But it should be entertaining as Hell! lol

~Hekate

Give Me a Fucking Break!

11 fucking days. I've been in pain for 11 mother fucking days! Nonstop. Head, neck, back, legs and arms going numb. This is beyond fucking crazy and needs to stop. NOW! And to the fucking doctor who still thinks this is just my damned leg: Kiss my ass! If you think this is still just in my leg then you're a bigger douchewaffle then I thought.

In other news, Apple released their iOS 6 update. Good? Bad? I'm mixed but leaning to HORRIBLE! Why? Because it's fucking with me! First day and here's what went down:

YouTube app that came standard with iPhone/iPod/iPad: GONE. They dropped it! Now we have to download the app Google released if we want a YouTube app. I hope you all signed in and saved your favorites and history, otherwise it's gone.


"Where in the bloody Hell are my bookmarks?" Yep, every single bookmark and favorite I had was wiped out after the update. When I started to add my bookmarks back, IT WOULDN'T LET ME! It would not save a single one. I tried everything and nothing worked. I showed Xic, who checked his devices. His were fine. I went to show him mine wouldn't work and guess what? They were all back now. Are you fucking kidding me? Thanks for the raise in blood pressure, Apple.

Normally after an update, I don't have to re-authenticate all of my games or apps. This time I did. There are passwords that I had forgotten and I had to reset them all. This is good and bad. Good because now anyone who was close to hacking some of my accounts can't and bad because now I have to log 12 different passwords (Yeah, I'm one of the few who doesn't use the same password for everything). FML. 

So, now that the feeling of wanting to throw all of my Apple devices out the fucking window and smash them to bits has passed, I'll resume use of them. But mark my words, next time I may be switching to Android!

~Hekate