Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Lunch at the Mall...

Going to the mall for lunch on a rainy day is a treat for us. The kids can play inside at the play area they have, thus tiring them out and making for easy bedtime. Normally our lunch dates are uneventful. Today was different. Come with me on this "I'm going to spork someone's eyes out" journey...

Xic is hot. Really, REALLY hot. He's also my polar opposite. He's the normal guy and I'm, well... Goth. Now I know my husband is eye candy, but there's a point where it becomes too much. Case in point: Bleach Blonde Bitch with Less than A Tits and a Kid on the Hip.

Now Bleachy was checking Xic out. Hard core. It was so bad that he noticed it. That's saying something. Xic doesn't notice when chick are eyeing him up like he's some Greek God they must claim as their own. I notice, though. All the fucking time. Bleachy wasn't even trying to hide it.

Now a guy spending time with his kids is sexy in itself. Watching a hot guy feeding his kids from his plate of Chinese food is probably sensory overload. When said kids happen to be twin girls who are playing the "I'm cute and I know it" card on daddy, hearts melt and panties get wet. I should know. I was sitting across from Xic as this was going on. Which is what made me get somewhat twitchy faced as Bleachy eyed him up and down like she wanted to play the MILF card on my DILF.

He's a clue, Bleachy: If the guy you're eyeing up and down like he's an all you can eat buffet and he cringes without even looking up at you, you're giving off that creepy, Fatal Attraction vibe. and should just move on.

Now when the guy you're eyeing up is also sitting across from a woman who isn't his mother, doesn't look like his sister, and the kids he's feeding look like a mix of DILF and her, chances are it's his wife or girlfriend. He's another clue to look for: WEDDING RINGS. His was easy to spot since he eats left handed and mine isn't exactly small. Just sayin'.

Now if that wasn't enough to put me in an eye sporking mood what happened next was serious "Twitchy Face, Clinched Fists" worthy...

Bleachy moves on just as I asked Xic if I should spork her eyes out and then comes loads of stares and cringing faces. Apparently people in our town haven't seen a Goth before. Or maybe they're use to seeing Goths with "Their own kind". Then again, they may have thought I was going to eat Nyx and Nox... Either way, it came to me saying "Take a fucking picture, it lasts longer. Oh, I'm sorry, does my look offend you? Then don't fucking look at me, bitch!"

Older people I can forgive because they wonder what's wrong with the youth, but when the older people are saying to us "Oh, what cute babies. You two make such beautiful kids" and the younger crowd is making faces when they look at me makes my blood boil and I lose my cool.

I'm use to stares and whispers. I've dealt with it since I was a kid. It doesn't bother me. What bothers the fuck out of me is when you face a disgusted face at me for the way I'm dressed and my black lipstick when your ass looks like they rolled out of the fucking gutter after taking a facial from no less than 20 fucking guys and smell like 3 week old ass and sweat. Then you have the nerve to tell your 50 rolled friend with the Doritos crumbs on their face and the, what I can only assume, grease stain on their shirt that you "Can't believe she walks around like that and he let's her". Seriously, Cum Dumpster? So yeah, of course I'm going to tell you, in a not so polite voice, to shut your fucking mouth and keep walking before I spork a bitch. Next time you want to say something about the way someone is dressed, look in the fucking mirror and make sure to wipe the cum off your face. Oh, and tell your friend to stop wearing mid drift shirts. I had fucking nightmares last night.