Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Hekate's Crazy Fan

It was only a matter of time, Minions. And here I thought no one read my blog except a select few, and maybe a few misguided clicks. I, Hekate Jahi, have received my first "Crazy Fan". And not just your round of the mill crazy. I'm talking "There's a reason I stay anonymous and this is it" cray cray. Shall I tell you what was said?


Hekate, I am falling in love with you. You are EVERYTHING I want and need. You make my heart skip a beat when I read your words. Please don't deny me, you know you want me too. I can feel it! It's like you write for me and only me. You understand me like no other. 


I want to put a funnel in your pussy, make you cum over and over. I want to bottle your sweet Heaven honey and drink it throughout the day. I would even use your juices on my salad as a dressing. I need you, and I know you need me too!! I masturbate to your words each and every night and day!! I want to worship at the temple that is Hekate's pussy! Take me to church every night!! Don't deny me your words and beauty!! I would die without you!!


Are you all done puking? I'm not...

Well, Orion, what can I say? I guess thank you for reading my blog? I'm glad you like, nay, love it? No, that's not right. Give me a minute to think of what I really want to say. I'm still dry heaving from the "juices on my salad" bit.

Dude, you've got some serious fucking issues! You are BEYOND bat shit crazy. You need to check yourself into the nearest metal hospital and have all sharp objects hidden from you. Thanks for thinking I'm beautiful, but you do realize that the picture here isn't me? Obviously not, you're too busy eating paste and jacking off to my blog. Wow. That thought made me vomit in my mouth...

Seriously, WTF is wrong with you?!? I'm too disturbed to even think of some smart ass shit to say. Thanks, you sick twisted fucktard. You have made the infamous Hekate speechless in a bad way. It's because of people like you that I stay anonymous and don't divulge my location or even hint at where I might be. I don't need some Private Pyle looking mother fucker showing up at my door, zip tying my hands and ankle together, duct taping my mouth, and placing funnels in any part of me trying to harvest any type of fluid. Damn! You're more twisted than anyone I have EVER known. Good job, shit stick.

I'm going to go scrub myself with bleach now and try to feel clean again.


Sunday, February 3, 2013


I can now post from my iPad again! About fucking time, google.

So, a quick fill in of events taken place in the Goth home:

Xic is still waiting to hear from his dream job. It seems when you want people to hurry the fuck up they slow down even more. In the meantime he's been working crazy hours and shifts. Who the Hell schedules someone with two-year-olds running around their house for graveyard shifts every week? Seriously? The money's great but the hours suck ass.

Nyx and Nox have been reminding me several times a day that the "Terrible Twos" are here. HELP! Between the tantrums, meltdowns, hitting, pushing, stage diving practice, kicking the other off of things, and trying to be zombies (seriously, they try to chew through my skull), I'm going crazy! Someone pass me a bottle of something strong.

Mother Nature is being a whore this month. I'm either going to spontaneously combust, freeze to death, die from massive amounts of blood loss, or end up in the Psych Ward at the local hospital. I am counting down the days to Menopause! Can someone hit the fast forward button on that for me?

My mood swings are giving Xic whiplash. Hell, my mood swings make me want to punch MYSELF in the throat! But Xic isn't completely innocent either. Between his memory loss (he claims old age, I claim Man Syndrome), his own mood swings, crazy work schedule, and talking in his sleep, I don't get much sleep or time to relax. Though I do find out some interesting things from the conversations we have when he's asleep. (Word of advice: If you're a sleep talker, secrets come out. Like what you got your spouse for Christmas.)

So here I am, sitting in bed in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping, freezing my ass off (though that may not be a bad thing) while sweating, wishing I could just fucking sleep, writing this post, waiting for the weekend to be over with so I can make yet another pointless doctors appointment, and waiting for Xic to get home so I can sleep next to him for all of two hours, get up, make breakfast for the kids, and start my daily routine. I need a vacation!

On a good note, we did find a babysitter willing to watch the demon twins! Let's see how long that lasts..