Monday, September 17, 2012


In case you don't know, FFS is "For fuck sake!" So why, Minions, did I choose this as the title? Well, you're in luck. Things are about to get ranty up in here.

Five days. Five. Fucking. Days. I have been in the same damn pain since Thursday! Nothing is fucking helping. So what pain is this? Neck pain that shoots up to my head, mostly on the left side, and affects my arms. On top of that, yesterday it fucked my vision so bad that I relied on auto correct and keyboard memory. As if that wasn't enough, my lower back (Doc: read leg) has been feeling like I have a knife stuck in it. When I stand, my legs want to give out. When I lay down, automatic numbness and tingling from my waist down. When I walk, I'm borderline dragging my right leg. If I lay on my left side, my right side feels better, but my left side stings and feels like I have napalm running through me. If I lay on my right side, my left feels better, but now my right side screams "WTF are you doing?" If I lay on my stomach, I can't breath thanks to separated abdominal muscles that the docs refuse to fix and my back feels like it's going to break. An inversion table would be nice, but I'd probably get a nose bleed.

So, what does the doc say? Nothing, actually. He hasn't returned my calls. All I get from the nurse is do exactly what I've been doing and go to my EMG (nerve test) on the 3rd. So, in the words of Nyx and Nox, SHUT UP! YOU SUCK! And in my own words, FUCK YOU! How much Tylenol and Motrin can I possibly take before I start to sound like a pill bottle when I walk? How many fucking warm/hot showers and baths can I take before I boil myself? How many fucking ice/heat packs can I use before I get frost bite or burn myself? What other fucking options can you give me, Doc? That's what you get paid for! You get paid to fucking fix me, asshole! Instead you ignore my concerns and past medical history, order tests that have already been done and showed that my leg is not the fucking problem, and offer no suggestions on how to deal with this pain.

So it's my move. Ready for this? I will go to this fucking test, but I will no longer be seeing you. I will call when I need a refill on my seizure meds, but that's it. I will wait until we get settled in our final city before ever going back to a doctor. I will go for acupuncture and hypnotherapy to cope and find ways to live with the constant fucking pain that has made me cry like a little fucking bitch for five fucking days.