Saturday, July 20, 2013

Marvel War of Heroes Alliance

Minions, as you all know I'm a gamer. I play all types of games: PC, PS3, Xbox, and even Apps. What I am about to show you is a conversation string that left me laughing so hard I actually couldn't breathe! What follows is why I love the group of guys I play with. Oh, and I'm the one on the right. 

Yes, your favorite Goth Mom is a perv. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to catch my breathe once more. LMAO


Thursday, June 27, 2013

Family and Computer Twunt

It's been a Hell of a night already, Minions. Now that my fucking twunt ass computer has decided it wants to work with me and start up, I can now write that ever coveted blog post you've all been dying for. Ready for my twitchy face and clinched fist post? Good. Here we go...

So by now you know about my side of the family, but today I'm going to be writing about the other side. The in-law side.

I love most of my in-laws, but there's always one in every marriage that just gets on your last. Fucking. Nerve. Am I right? Of course I am. That one for me? Sassy.

Sassy was mentioned in a previous post I wrote. I don't talk to Sassy much. Why? She's drama. Not to say other members don't have their share of drama (like most of my side of the family), but Sassy has a knack for EPIC. BULLSHIT. DRAMA. 

She calls me when shes stressed or had a bad day. Seriously, this is the ONLY time she calls me. She even said so. Thanks, bitch. Nice to know I'm only good enough for you to complain to because no one else wants to listen about your shity ass day.

She calls bitching because Xic told her "No" about creating an Instagram account to share photos with her. She proceeds to order  me to make Xic create an account or create one anyway even though he said "No". Yeah, no. That doesn't fly in our house. Mommy and Daddy refuse to be played against one another. It doesn't work for our kids, it sure as Hell won't work for you. Nice try though.

She then bitches about he ex and how he said, she said, blah, blah, fucking blah. Honestly I tuned most of this shit out, but caught the majority of it. After trying to be rational with her about the problem for 45 minutes I realized it was a lost cause and changed the subject. Well, tried to anyway. She ended up going back to it a few minutes later until we hit the last subject of the night.

Here's where I get slightly pissed. Slightly. Had I gone full out pissed I wouldn't have bit my tongue.

"Tell my brother to call and text me more. He never talks to me!" Excuse me? Are you really going to go there? Bitch, please! He texted you more in ONE. FUCKING. DAY. than he did me in a week! You want to know why he avoids your calls? The same reason I'm going to start sending your ass to voice mail and deleting it without listening: YOU'RE TOO MUCH FUCKING DRAMA! 

Oh, and you know how you complained about how your mom (may she rest in peace) rambled on and on and repeated herself 20 times in a call and wouldn't hang up after saying bye 30 minutes straight? Congratufuckinglations, sweet cheeks! You're just like her! I loved your mom. You, not so much. You were a bitch to me from day one and I'm only your favorite person to talk to when no one else wants to deal with your bitchy ass. Here's a tip: If people ignore your calls or keep saying "Hey, I have to go. I need to do (insert some really important, but not too important thing). I'll call you back" but they never do, it's not them. IT'S YOU. 

Oh yeah, thanks for stealing an hour of my life I will never get back. 

Now that my computer has been a fucking twunt for the last time tonight and I got my rant out, sort of, I'm going to go kick Xic's ass in Injustice.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Oi! I'm Still Here!

Yeah, so I've been MIA for a while. Stop bitching, I'm here now with a new post for you all, Minions. My twitching face and clinched fists have calmed down since this event happened, but I'm still writing about it because it happens all too often and it needs to stop.

My dad was in town this weekend... What? Shocked I have a dad? Get the fuck over it and let me get on with my EPIC story!... As I was saying, we all went to watch Verin's Karate tournament on Saturday. On our way home, I'm driving and encounter a Level 80 Fucktard and a Level 80 Douchwaffle at the same time.

You see, Minions, the city we live in has a highway that turns into a regular street. It ends in our city. So you go from a 60 MPH zone to 35 MPH zone in a matter of feet. Awesome, right? Yeah, it gets better. See, at the end of said highway is a light. I'm lucky enough to always catch it when it's green. This day was no different. After that light is another light. My lucky day, it's green too. Awesome! Because at this point, Nyx and Nox are in full on DEF-CON 4 EPIC MELTDOWN. So what happens next pissed me 50 shades the fuck off.

Fucktard is in one car (A Cadillac at that) and Douchwaffle is in another (yet another Cadillac). They roll their tinted (and I mean damn near illegal tinted) windows down, slow to a fucking crawl at 15-20 MPH, and start talking to each other. There's a line of cars at least 20 deep behind me and the guy next to me and we're all blaring our fucking horns at this point. After what seemed like 5 minutes Douchwaffle changes lanes and I speed up and pass him. He then proceeds to try to pull up beside me, and I can't help but think he may try to start some shit with my kids in the car. At this point I'm running every scenario in my head: He'll pull a gun and start shooting. He'll jump out with his boys and try to kick our asses (Good luck buddy. Xic and I would destroy you within seconds while Nyx and Nox devour your entrails). Anyway, he ends up not catching up and turns before we have to. Crisis averted. 

But my post doesn't end like this. That wouldn't be fun, now would it? Here comes the Hekate Rage Rant you all have been missing:

Hey asswipes! Yeah, all you wannabe "Gangsta" pussy asses out there. If you're going to try to score or sell drug, do like all the other "Gangsta's" do and buy 20 different fucking cell phones and STOP BLOCKING MY WAY HOME! I sweat to fucking all that is holy and unholy that the next time I see one of you douchewaffling, ass-munching  fucking asshole surfers slowing down and talking to another fucking car while I'm trying to get somewhere I will rear end you at full fucking force so long as my kids aren't with me. Just because you have to support you 20 different baby mama's and the 35 fucking kids you have doesn't give you the right to block the road, fucker. Oh, and pull up your damn pants, "playa". Maybe if you could run without having to grab your pants every two fucking steps or have them fall and you trip you wouldn't get busted by the cops as often. And the next time you try to pull up beside me while I'm driving, it better be to apologize. Otherwise I may run your ass of the fucking road or have to kick your ass. How sad would that be to have all your boys see you get a baseball bat shoved up your poop shoot by a 5'0" goth chick? Come to think of it... Go ahead and do it. Maybe I could get famous on YouTube and call the video "Now THAT'S Gangsta".


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Stompy McStomperton from Stompsville

The goth family has officially moved, Minions. Now when I say "moved" that, in no way, means we are unpacked. Not completely, anyway.

Now, if you follow me on Facebook, you have seen me post about Stompy. Let me explain why i call him/her/it this.

Every day without fail since we have moved in, our neighbor starts moving around at 4:30 am. EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. If we're lucky, real lucky, they hold off until 5:00 am. This isn't your normal "Oh, I'm getting ready for work" movement. Oh no. This is "I am Sumo!" stomping. Seriously, I think The Hulk walks more softly in his rage than this fucker on any given day.

This morning stomp continues until 7:30 am. It wakes Nyx and Nox up. They use to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00. Thanks, Stompy. After the twins are up, fucktard leaves for the day. Yeah, thanks asshole. My day now is shot all to Hell because Nyx and Nox are not, I repeat, NOT morning people. If they were older, I'd give them coffee. Massive amounts of coffee.

Guess who comes back at about 5:30 pm? STOMPY! Awesome, right? I get 10 whole hours of quiet. Yeah, you obviously don't know Nyx and Nox. So 5:30, after Xic leaves for work, Stompy comes home. Now I guess dumb ass missed the fucking memo that we have a fitness center on site, because they stomp from kitchen to living room, hall, bedroom, hall, living room, and back to kitchen. 15 MOTHER FUCKING TIMES IN A ROW. Back and forth. Back and forth. Sometimes I wonder how the ceiling hasn't collapsed. This shit continues until 11fucking30 pm. Keep in mind that quiet hours here are from 10 pm to 6 am. You can get called out if your TV is too loud.

Now, I'm not just going to call up the manager and bitch about them. Sure, I will if it comes to that. I'm going to give them today. Tomorrow I will say something if it happens again. And it will. Now I'll be as nice as I can. Once. If it happens on Friday it may go something like this:

HEY, FUCK ASS! Knock the stomping shit off, you elephant footed douchewaffle, or one of two things will happen. 1. I turn your ass in with the video evidence I have made for the past two fucking weeks and maybe get your ass evicted. Or 2. I break your fucking legs and let Nyx and Nox Zombie Apocalypse your worthless ass. Ever see the Walking Dead? They're worse than that. Your move, ass clown.

Fuck it. If they don't stop in the next 20 minutes I'm going up. Nice is for pussies.


Monday, March 18, 2013

Not My Most Eloquent Post

FUCKING HELL! I hate some of my fucking "family" members sometimes! Not going to mention who it is because I know someone close to them reads this, but FUCKING HELL!

Xic and I have traveled SEVERAL fucking times to visit certain people to show up and be all but ignored. One of these aforementioned persons had the AUDACITY to post on Facebook implying that I do not make an effort to visit all because someone else whom they haven't seen in NINE FUCKING YEARS moved in with them after THEY paid for them to fly there. REALLY?

MOTHER FUCKING, COCK SUCKING, TWATWAFFLE! Xic and I pay for every fucking visit we make! WE pay for OUR motel room! WE pay for OUR gas and travel expenses! YOU pay for NOTHING and don't even acknowledge our fucking existence when we're there! It took you 12 fucking hours to even say "Hi" to me one visit and you only said it because another family member who was visiting called you out on it! And you have the fucking NERVE to post shit on Facebook saying I should come visit YOU and the person whom you paid for to move there? FUCK YOU!

You even want some other twatwaffle to come visit whom you haven't seen in eight years and expect me to be nice to them after the shit they said about me on Facebook? FUCK THAT AND FUCK THAT GORILLA FACE WHORE TOO! I don't give a rat's ass if they are "family"!

You all can suck my metaphorical dick and choke on it, assholes! I'm fucking DONE. Oh I'll play nice for a while, but only for my children's sake and only for a few more years. Once time is out, you all can fuck off and stay the Hell out of our lives. I didn't need you for 30 fucking years and I won't need you for the next 30!



Minions, I've been called a few names in my life. Bitch. Whore. 'Spic bitch. Freak. You name it, I've probably been called it. But today... Today I was called a new name.

I was on my way to Walmart when I pulled up to a stop sign. I did my normal slow to a stop, like you're suppose to do, when this car comes speeding up behind me, slams on his breaks, screeches to a stop, and proceeds to follow me in a fast rage to Walmart.

When I parked, this Merle wannabe jumps out of his car and yells at me. Here is what was said:

Him: Learn to drive you Spasian bitch!

Me: The fuck is a Spasian?

Him: A 'Spic Asian!

Me: I can see where you might think I'm Asian, but I'm not. And perhaps you should learn to read you white trash asshole. Stop means STOP, not Skid Tires On Pavement. Fucking dick.

Him: ... (walks away)

I spent the rest of the time at Walmart wondering where he heard Spasian from. No way in Hell he was smart enough to come up with that on his own.

Anyway, back to the move. I'm hoping we're done on Thursday. Until then, I'll be MIA for a while. BTW, I hate moving...


Sunday, March 10, 2013

A Serious Case of Mangina

Minions, in the apps I play (i.e. Marvel War of Heroes) we have "trainings" or "wars" with other alliances. Sometimes we win, sometimes we get our asses handed to us. The point is, win or lose we take its in stride and learn from what we did wrong. Usually it falls on us not having enough people online or calling one in before we fully recharged our attack power. Now when we win, sometimes it's EPIC. Last night was one of those EPIC times.

We went to war against an alliance we massacred once before. No big deal. Last nights war was close for a while. We pulled ahead, then they caught up. Then they were ahead and we caught up. Close to the end three or four of us unleashed a beating that they couldn't come back from if they were Dr. Who. (Is my geek showing again?)

Now sometimes you have gracious losers who send messages like "Man, good fight! If you ever want to merge alliances let me know!" Or "LOL And I though we had you when we were trailing by only 11k points!" Sometimes, though, we encounter the epitome of the sad existence of man. The cry babies who just refuse to except that they lost in a fair fight and have to whine, bitch, moan, and threaten with tattling on you to the mods of the game. Case in point: Mobage player L8RG8RS1


Ooh! Your going to tell on us for beating your team? OH NOES! PUH-LEASE don't tell on us for playing fair! Seriously, you basement dwelling, pansy ass, momma's boy? Get the sand out of your mangina, grow a fucking pair, and get the fuck over yourself. Take the loss and deal with it. You don't like losing? Too fucking bad, numb nuts. That's part of life. You may have grown up where everyone got a participation ribbon so the sniveling little shits like you didn't feel left out, but in the real world that doesn't happen. It's a fucking game, you lost, DEAL WITH IT! It's pretty fucking pathetic that a chick has to tell you that. Douchewaffle. Oh, did I hurt your feelings? Too fucking bad, asswipe. Go suck on your mommy's tits and hope she'll comfort you because you lost in a damned game. Also, the next time you think about messaging one of us bitching because your magina is bleeding, don't. Take a fucking Midol, shove a tampon in the bitch, shut the fuck up, and move on.


Thursday, March 7, 2013

Hekate and Ambien

Oh, Minions. Your beloved Goth mom has a hilarious read for you tonight.

I've been suffering from insomnia for quite some time. At first I thought it was just a stress thing and it would pass. Nope. Then my doctor suggested I take Melatonin. Didn't help. So the next step was a wonderful little pill called Ambien. I'm sure you've all heard of it. You've seen the commercials, heard horror stories about hallucinations or psychotic episodes. Yep. THAT pill.

My first experience with Ambien was a few years back. I was pregnant, but they thought I was going to lose the baby. I wasn't sleeping. At all. So they gave me Ambien. I thought I just went to sleep one night and woke up refreshed the next morning thinking I had a great nights sleep. I walked into my kitchen to find I had made a 13 egg omelette own the floor. Onions, peppers, ham, cheese, the works. Yeah. That was REAL fun to clean up.

Fast forward to the past few months. It's been a real roller coaster ride in the Goth house. Xic's schedule is all over the place, mostly working nights, and has been working since Friday and will work until Monday. Yep. 11 days in a row. Awesome. This not only takes a toll on him, but me as well. I finally had a breakdown in my doctor's office yesterday that led him to prescribe me Ambien so I could get some sleep. Oh, I got sleep alright. I felt great this morning. Seriously. I woke up HAPPY. That never happens. But then I read through chats on Line that we had with out Alliance members from Marvel War of Heroes... I'll just let you read them:

I just pissed myself laughing at this shit.


Friday, February 22, 2013

Car Alarm Rage

Minions, promise me you will NEVER be the person with the annoying car alarm that goes off repeatedly. Promise? Good. Now, time for a bedtime rant from your favorite Goth Mom.

Once upon a time in the land of the Goths there was a Goth Mom named Hekate. One dark, rainy night her husband, Xic, had to work a graveyard shift. This was nothing new to the Goth family, as it was just about every weekend that Xic's evil, maniacal boss scheduled him for this particular shift because he's a condescending fucktard who treats all his employees like they're five-year-old children.

On this night, after the Gothlings were in bed, Xic was getting ready for work when it happened. A car alarm went off. The constant honking of the horn was rather annoying. Xic tried to ask Hekate something, but she couldn't hear him over the fucking horn beeping over and over again. After about three minutes, give or take, the alarm stopped and all was well again. Until....

*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!* The alarm started again an hour after Xic had left. Hekate was somewhat annoyed now, since it was getting late and she was trying to watch a movie. The alarm stopped after 10 agonizing minutes and Hekate resumed watching her movie.

*BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!* Again the alarm started just a few minutes after it stopped. Over and over the horn blared. And the lights flashed. As soon as it would stop, it started again. NINE. FUCKING. TIMES. 

"Who the fuck owns this car?" Hekate wondered aloud. "Fucking noisy ass, piece of shit! I'm recording this bitch now!" and she proceede to take out her phone and record the nuisance when the owner appeared. 

"Uh... What do you think you're doing?" Said the twatwaffle owner. "You can't just take picture of my car!"

"Oh, I wasn't taking pictures, I was about to record your car since you obviously don't know how to control ten alarm on it and show it to the owners of the complex. That way if they get a call on you again, your car will be towed...." Hekate said as she walked away. She stopped, turned and said, "That is, unless one of our neighbors or I decide to disable your alarm next." 

The owner quickly moved their car and didn't come back. 

The End

I seriously hate when visitors here park wherever the Hell they want and have annoying fucking alarms that go off at odd hours or they sit and play with their panic buttons for fun. Fucking assholes. They're lucky my kids didn't wake up or I would have bashed their car with a bat, my battle axe, and whatever else I got my hands on. My doc put me on a new med that's suppose to make me happy, instead it's made me sick, tired, twitchy, and pissed off even more, the last thing I need right now is some fuckers damned car alarm blaring all fucking night while I try to relax and possibly go comatose sometime around 2-3 am if I'm lucky!  Seriously, Minions, don't be that person. EVER!


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Hekate's Crazy Fan

It was only a matter of time, Minions. And here I thought no one read my blog except a select few, and maybe a few misguided clicks. I, Hekate Jahi, have received my first "Crazy Fan". And not just your round of the mill crazy. I'm talking "There's a reason I stay anonymous and this is it" cray cray. Shall I tell you what was said?


Hekate, I am falling in love with you. You are EVERYTHING I want and need. You make my heart skip a beat when I read your words. Please don't deny me, you know you want me too. I can feel it! It's like you write for me and only me. You understand me like no other. 


I want to put a funnel in your pussy, make you cum over and over. I want to bottle your sweet Heaven honey and drink it throughout the day. I would even use your juices on my salad as a dressing. I need you, and I know you need me too!! I masturbate to your words each and every night and day!! I want to worship at the temple that is Hekate's pussy! Take me to church every night!! Don't deny me your words and beauty!! I would die without you!!


Are you all done puking? I'm not...

Well, Orion, what can I say? I guess thank you for reading my blog? I'm glad you like, nay, love it? No, that's not right. Give me a minute to think of what I really want to say. I'm still dry heaving from the "juices on my salad" bit.

Dude, you've got some serious fucking issues! You are BEYOND bat shit crazy. You need to check yourself into the nearest metal hospital and have all sharp objects hidden from you. Thanks for thinking I'm beautiful, but you do realize that the picture here isn't me? Obviously not, you're too busy eating paste and jacking off to my blog. Wow. That thought made me vomit in my mouth...

Seriously, WTF is wrong with you?!? I'm too disturbed to even think of some smart ass shit to say. Thanks, you sick twisted fucktard. You have made the infamous Hekate speechless in a bad way. It's because of people like you that I stay anonymous and don't divulge my location or even hint at where I might be. I don't need some Private Pyle looking mother fucker showing up at my door, zip tying my hands and ankle together, duct taping my mouth, and placing funnels in any part of me trying to harvest any type of fluid. Damn! You're more twisted than anyone I have EVER known. Good job, shit stick.

I'm going to go scrub myself with bleach now and try to feel clean again.


Sunday, February 3, 2013


I can now post from my iPad again! About fucking time, google.

So, a quick fill in of events taken place in the Goth home:

Xic is still waiting to hear from his dream job. It seems when you want people to hurry the fuck up they slow down even more. In the meantime he's been working crazy hours and shifts. Who the Hell schedules someone with two-year-olds running around their house for graveyard shifts every week? Seriously? The money's great but the hours suck ass.

Nyx and Nox have been reminding me several times a day that the "Terrible Twos" are here. HELP! Between the tantrums, meltdowns, hitting, pushing, stage diving practice, kicking the other off of things, and trying to be zombies (seriously, they try to chew through my skull), I'm going crazy! Someone pass me a bottle of something strong.

Mother Nature is being a whore this month. I'm either going to spontaneously combust, freeze to death, die from massive amounts of blood loss, or end up in the Psych Ward at the local hospital. I am counting down the days to Menopause! Can someone hit the fast forward button on that for me?

My mood swings are giving Xic whiplash. Hell, my mood swings make me want to punch MYSELF in the throat! But Xic isn't completely innocent either. Between his memory loss (he claims old age, I claim Man Syndrome), his own mood swings, crazy work schedule, and talking in his sleep, I don't get much sleep or time to relax. Though I do find out some interesting things from the conversations we have when he's asleep. (Word of advice: If you're a sleep talker, secrets come out. Like what you got your spouse for Christmas.)

So here I am, sitting in bed in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping, freezing my ass off (though that may not be a bad thing) while sweating, wishing I could just fucking sleep, writing this post, waiting for the weekend to be over with so I can make yet another pointless doctors appointment, and waiting for Xic to get home so I can sleep next to him for all of two hours, get up, make breakfast for the kids, and start my daily routine. I need a vacation!

On a good note, we did find a babysitter willing to watch the demon twins! Let's see how long that lasts..


Friday, January 18, 2013

You Messed With the Wrong Gamer, Dude.

Hello again, Minions. I know I've been lacking in the blogging area as well as my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram posts. What can I say, life is crazy sometimes. And when you have demon twins that tag team the tantrums during the terrible twos you end up most days wondering "Where the Hell is the Tequila?"

One of the few things that I do is game. I'm one of the gamers that plays a wide variety genres. I play table top RPGs, MMORPGs, card based games, mind benders, dance, pretty much anything. I play apps on my iPhone and iPad as well. This post is about one of those apps and a guy who just doesn't understand you don't mess with Hekate and her games.

The app: Rage of Bahamut
Game type: Card based battle/Fantasy

In RoB we have events called Holy Wars. You battle other orders in the effort to rank highest in the world to get the uber cards. The way it works is one member will declare war and the search is on for an order that is similar in size as yours. Common sense dictates that you make sure other order members are online and ready for battle before you declare war. You ask on the forum, KiK, Palringo, Line, Text, or whatever method you choose to make contact with as many members as you can. But there's always that one person who doesn't think.

Mobage account Godzrule76 Remember that screen name, for that is the one fucktard who wrecks havoc by being blissfully ignorant. This guy joins the order I'm in the day the Holy Wars started. No big deal, right? WRONG! This kid declares war, no big deal, except no one was on to fight. We lose. He declares another, hits one person one time, no one else is on, we lose. Declares another, hits once, a few people are on, we win by a few points. This kid declared every single war yesterday and all but one so far today, hit once or twice when he did fight, and never once paid any attention to the forum wall or his own news feed of us, including yours truly, saying "Knock that shit off, douchewaffle!" Okay, so we can't say that in the game because it gets censored, but you can bet your sweet ass I was thinking it and typed it a few times before I settled on calling him a jerkoff.

Now this kid (face it, anyone younger than me is a kid) messaged the order leader in Facebook apologizing and pleading that he just "didn't know how Holy Wars work", so I won't blast his real name and Facebook profile. This time. Yeah, I must be getting old. I'm going soft. Damn it.

So to close this post, I'm going to say everything I was thinking and wanted to say to him in game:

Godzrule76, What the fuck is your problem, dickweed? What gives you the right to declare war after war after war and not do a damn thing, fucker? Seriously?! And only because you see now that we're pissed off do you try to kiss ass and apologize? The fuck, asshole? Do you ever fucking sleep? Cheese and rice! As soon as one war ends you declare another! What the Hell is wrong with you? OMFG If I could reach you, I'd fucking throttle you while Xic or the order leader sold tickets for people to watch! (Hey, gotta make money somehow). Think a chick can't hit? Ask Xic. I don't do that scratching, hair pulling thing bitches do. Hell no! I'm a curb stop your ass, if you have hair I use it to slam your face and head on the ground only to pull you back up to punch you and repeat kind of chick! I take my games seriously, and I'm competitive as fuck! I want to win, and your leeching ass is just dragging me down! Now either back the fuck off or man the fuck up and fight with us instead of making us lose, asshole!


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dear Apartment Complex:

I am writing this blog/letter/complaint to you and for everyone who has to deal with places like you.

Let's be honest here, the only reason Xic and I decided to move into your place was because all of our other options were either craptacular places or in banjo picking territory. We signed the lease and have followed all the rules to date. We told you when we moved in that we had two cars, you said "No problem. If your garage is full, like most people here, you can park one car in front of the garage and the other in one of the spots on the side." Awesome! No big deal. And then my car crapped out. So Xic and I moved it to the street to open a spot for someone else. We didn't park in that spot for months. One neighbor thought I actually left Xic and took the kids with me. That's how long that spot was open. No one parked there. EVER.

Last month Xic bought me a new car for Christmas. We came back home on December 21st with two cars. I parked in front of the garage and Xic parked in the other spot that no one used. Made more since since he works and leaves almost every day. Guess what happens when he leaves? No one parks in that spot.

You and all your employees drive by here often. You see we're always on the move. So why did you feel the need to leave a note on our door this morning before your office even opened saying we are contributing to the parking problem at our building? Someone fucking complained and I know just what pussy ass, coward bitch said shit too. The middle aged hermit, dried up bitch on the ground floor. We're the only people with two cars, so I know it was directed toward us. Why write a fucking letter? Why not just, oh I don't know, ASK us. Xic works the graveyard shift this week and next but I am always home. You have our number, you could have called and told us that someone was complaining, though I don't know why. What, is she expecting and over sized dildo to be delivered? Because I know for a fact that old smokey back there doesn't get any fucking visitors. Troll face couldn't pay people to visit her! Even Hell Hound runs when he sees her! The fucking community cat wouldn't even go near her and hissed at her when she looked at him! The fuck does that tell you?

I am so fucking glad that we found a new place to move to and can't wait for our lease to be up! Sure we'd have to pay $50 more a month for rent, but we'd get an extra bedroom, more square feet, a patio/balcony, storage room, they have three pools, a hot tub, a tanning bed, fitness center, theater, a playground, and on site movie rental. You don't even have a pool. All you have is... Wait, I know this... OH! A water hose you call a car wash. Gee, I'm so going to miss living here. 

I will come back to visit one of my neighbors, though. That will be the only thing I actually miss.


P.S. Have fun with the carpet in Nyx and Nox's room. When they were sick, they puked and shit on the carpet. LMAO Then there's always the door they tore down. >=D

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Holidays and Hekate

Oh Minions, I'm sure by now everyone has been wondering what has become of your beloved Goth Mom over the holidays. Well, you're in luck. I'm about to spin a story for you that will have you saying, "Maybe my family isn't that bad after all!"

Let's start with Thanksgiving. Well, we traveled 5 1/2 hours a few days before to visit family since Xic had to work on Thanksgiving. If Nyx wasn't crying, Nox was. When they finally fell asleep we had to wake them up to eat lunch. Never, I repeat, NEVER wake a sleeping toddler Well, unless you want to deal with screaming and crying for 3 hours. We make it to our destination and what followed was semi fun and frustrating as fuck. I visited with my aunt I hadn't seen in 23 years. That as the fun part. Me being the big kid I am, I sat in her lap and she rocked me like she use to when I was a kid. Stop laughing fuckers! I'm still a bad ass, my aunt is just that fucking awesome. We drive back home and I have to make Thanksgiving dinner while Xic is working. I'll say this: My Hekate Original Brine fucking rocks. Best. Turkey. EVER.

Fast forward to December. Christmas is usually a fun time. Usually. The week before Christmas I almost got taken out by some bad cheese. Sounds lame, right? Yeah, keep reading... I have allergies. Mushrooms, tree nuts, Penicillin, stuff like that. So why was I almost taken out by cheese? It was in the beginning stages of mold. What is mold but home grown Penicillin. Why did I eat moldy cheese? Funny thing you ask. It didn't look molded, didn't smell moldy, and it didn't taste like it either. It was in the very early stage of it. Me being the sensitive one, I broke out in hives and started having trouble breathing. So 40 minutes and an ambulance ride later I was given EpiPens and told to stop taking my seizure meds because it could make it worse. Awesome.

Later that day Nyx tossed her cookies. Twice. I thought it was just stress of the EMTs being there, turns out my little table licker got sick from licking a table at the pizza place we went to the day before. Luckily it lasted a day. Bad news is she gave it to Nox. Nox was worse. Nyx slept most of the time she was sick and wanted to be held. Nox, not so much. She stayed awake for 24 hours and went into rage mode. She didn't want to be touched, held, comforted, or be left alone. After 24 hours, she crashed and crashed hard. She was feeling better the next day. Me, not so much. I got sick around the same time as Nox, but mine lasted 2-3 days. I don't really remember too much except it was the first time in a long time that I drank just water. If you know me, you know I don't drink plain water. But all was well after a few days and everyone is back to our normal.

So now it's a new year, Nyx and Nox are 2, Verin is turning 10, and I've got a birthday coming up soon. All I want is to get my hair dyed black with red streaks again. That's it. Yeah, I'm simple. Plus Xic got me a new tattoo and a new car for Christmas so what else could I possibly want or need? Okay, a Zombie Themed birthday party would be nice too... Mmm... BRAINS!