Saturday, August 25, 2012

Party Trolling Like a Boss

You're welcome.


Friday, August 24, 2012

Just Shoot Me!

Dark greetings, Minions. I was not doing much yesterday due to pain and felling ill. So for your entertainment, I shall rant about yesterday and why I chose this specific title. Come with me on this fucked up journey...

Yesterday started out with me thinking is was Friday. I thought it was going to be a good day because it was Friday. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. Nyx and Nox woke up early so I fixed them breakfast and gave them milk. When they were done, I do as I always do when I'm on my own.: Pick up Nyx, set her down in the hall, close the baby gate, and gram Nox. Wrong. Fucking. Move. For unknown reasons, and besides just to make me cringe, Nyx lets out a ear piercing scream. I just close my eyes and go about my duty of grabbing Nox. As I set Nox down so I can grab diapers to change them, Nox follows her sister's actions and begins throwing an all out hissy fit. Again, I just close my eyes and got about getting what I need to change them.

Once they were changed, Nyx continued her fit. Throwing herself on her bed, rolling around like a crocodile doing it's death roll, a low, but loud, yell. All this time, not one tear was shed. So I just sit there thinking, "It's okay. It's Friday." Perhaps I should have paid more attention to the date on my cell phone...

As she's throwing her fit, I drag some toys out for them to play with. Nox sets her sight on the stacking cups and make a beeline for them. As she grabs them, Nyx decides she wants them, and comes out of her fit to stake her claim on the coveted cups. Nox has her hands on them and begins to stack them, Nyx is not amused. So what does she do? What any Babyzilla would do: Act like it's Tokyo and smash it to the ground. This send Nox into a fit of fist clinching, scrawled up face, turning deep red rage. Wonder where she gets it from?

So a nap, lunch, snack, and few fits later Xic comes home. Nox is a true "daddy's girl" and has to have Xic pick her up the second he walks in the house. Problem? Xic needs to change out of his work cloths as use the bathroom. Nox proceeds to throw herself on the ground, wailing, and is completely and utterly inconsolable. Fuck my luck.

Oh, I forgot to mention that this entire day I was in pain and had a headache despite the fact of taking my Vicodin. Yep, awesome day it has been. I still think it's Friday, so I'm cool with it.

I make dinner for the Gothlings and we get them set in their highchairs. They decided they didn't like what mommy made, throw half of it on the floor and continue "Fit Fest 2012". At this point, my pain and headache are so horrid my blood pressure rises, I get over heated, and now I'm crying like a little bitch. Xic says "Go lay down in the bedroom, I got this." I pop a Vicodin, my Lamictal (seizure med), and head to the bedroom. (Thanks again, Xic. I love you.)

Two hours later, I'm okay enough to get up and kiss the Gothlings goodnight (I NEVER miss a night). Xic and I proceed to the living room to watch an episode of Level Up (fuck you, I love Cartoon Network and I am a gamer geek!) Paranormal Witness (Syfy Channel rocks too) that was on our DVR. It was then that Xic told me that it was Thursday, not Friday. My reaction? "You mean I may have to go through another day like this tomorrow? Just fucking shoot me!"

Pain is no joke, Minions. I hate when it makes you all nauseous. So, anyone know a remedy for migraines besides Imitrex (which I can't take), Aspirin (also can't take), or injections (been there, done that, and it didn't help)? If so, email me at


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The Song That is Embedded in my Brain!

Hecate plays it once. Just once. Nyx and Nox have to hear it at least 3 times a day now. It's not annoying, by any means, just so damn catchy I cant get it out of my head! So I thought I'd get you all hooked as well. Enjoy!


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Monday That Would NOT END!

Oh, Minions, are you ready for a fucking hilarious post? Of course you are! That's why I love you all! Except you... No no, not you... YOU! Yeah, I tolerate you. You know who you are. Anyway, on with the show!

So first off, Nyx and Nox are finally asleep. Over eight hours awake, refusing to take a nap, tossing food on the floor at dinner time, and Nox being extremely clingy to me today. It ended with a banshee cry from Hell for about 20 minutes straight from Nox before she passed the fuck out from being tired. And at one point I was on the phone with one of my SIL, Xeno (her name she gave herself), CC's mom. Her call is one reason tonight's post is going to be fucking EPIC! Shall we?

Phone rings and it's Xeno. "I've got something for you to blog about and I needed to tell somebody." Oh I am all ears and taking note, Minions. This is how you get Goth Mom fame:

"So I had a job interview with people from Goodyear today," she starts. Now what I translate form my half ass, short hand, sloppy notes goes something like this. The interview is in Ohio, she lives in a different state and I'm not saying where in case one of you is a stalking type. (I'm looking at you again.) So the airport is about 45 minutes away, so yesterday she drives there and goes in to get her tickets. She's standing in line and the woman can't find her tickets. The fuck? Then just as she's pulling something up, the board behind her says "United Airlines Flight 555 Cancelled" The excuse? Bad weather in Chicago. The real reason? Fucking mechanical failures that resulted in a fire mid-fucking-flight on one plane. Nice try there, sweet cheeks, but people have phones equipped with internet now. Think they can't/won't find out? STFU and just stand there looking half ass pretty, okay? So she tries to find another flight out but says none are available. Are you for real now? An entire fucking airport and not one single flight has a seat? I call bullshit. So Xeno calls the people at Goodyear to let them know. They get in touch with their travel agent and get her a flight on Delta Airlines. Goodyear and Delta save the day! The bad news is it delayed her by four hours. Fucking luck. 

When she gets to her destination she goes to pick up her rental car. The fucking bastards gave it to someone else since she was late. Yeah, yeah, they can do that. I know. But for fucks sake, it's not her damned fault! So they said they could put her in a minivan or a Ford Flex. Uh, duh! Ford Flex, please! Who the fuck wants to rock a minivan? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Fuck you if you think that's not funny! So now to the hotel. She's staying at the Hilton. Sounds nice right? Yeah, sure. I guess. She gets there at 1:00 am. She types up her portfolio and sends it to the wireless printer they all brag about. She goes down to the desk to pick up her work and the guy says "We don't have that here." FUCK YOU HILTON! Don't brag about shit you don't fucking have you cock sucking assholes! The worse news, she didn't back it up. Now it's Tuesday, but it's fucking Monday luck.

Next day she goes to her interview. It's at 8 am and suppose to be an hour long. Six. Fucking. Hours. Long. And with six different people. Xeno is diabetic and needs to eat. For crying out loud, people! Offer her some damned chips, fruit, something! I'm surprised she didn't snap all your fucking heads off and drink your blood! Oh wait... That's my thing. Sorry.

Back to the airport, drop off the rental car, gets to her terminal, catches plane, lands in Atlanta for her transfer, and looks for a place to eat. Quizno's. That's it? One fucking place and it's Quizno's? Whatever. So she orders one sandwich (don't ask, I don't remember and can't read what the fuck I wrote), the chick calls back a completely different sandwich, and then proceeds to make said fucked up order. Xeno corrects her and she gets all pissy "Well this is what you ordered!" Actually, sweet tits, it isn't. Clean the cum out of your ears and listen next time. So Cumdumb makes the right sandwich and the guy's next to Xeno. Xeno pays $12.85 for a sub and a Mt. Dew, heads to her gate, starts to charge her phone and dives into... What the fuck is this shit? Cumdumb gave her the guy's fucking sandwich and, according to Xeno, was fucking disgusting! She paid $12.85 for a fucking sandwich she couldn't eat. FUCK YOU, QUIZNO'S!

Anyway, she made it back to her car and called me while she was driving the 45 minutes back home. Thanks, Monday, for sticking around for another day. If you show your fucking face here tomorrow, I'll punch you in the throat! Got it?


Holy HTML Codes, Batman! And Other Things Too...

Okay, so I've been trying to add a few things using HTML editors and codes. FUCKING HELL! That shit makes you go cross eyed after a few minutes! Anyway, I think I got it all figured out. If not, oh well. Just trying to tweak my page a little, so if anything is out of place or seems off, please let me know and I'll attempt to fix it ASAP.

As you know, Minions, I've been talking about it being hot where I'm at and I would not be wearing my all time favorite color black until it cooled down. Well, It finally cooled down and I can get back to being my true Goth self. Awesome, right? Yeah, not so much. As I am happy about it cooling down, it may have cooled down too much for Nyx and Nox. I actually had to turn the heat on in their room yesterday for a while and this morning as well. It was so damned cold their lips were blue! Fucking craziness! So no more short sleeve PJs for them. Time to bust out the long sleeve and possibly flannel and footed pajamas. I still need to get me a pair with skulls. At least I know where to buy them.

Okay, Xic and I just celebrated our anniversary not too long ago. Since we do the whole geocaching thing (and this years gifts were either candy, wood, or iron), I bought him a cache box. This one, to be exact:

Yes, it is an actual log. I know. I rock. But in true Xic fashion, he just had to show me up. He denies that's what he does and says we always get awesome gifts for each other, but I think his are better most of the time. (Case in point, our first anniversary he got me tickets for Family Values Tour.) So as I open my gift, this is what I see:

Now anyone who knows me knows I've wanted one for a very, very, long time. Like I said, always topping me on gifts. Except on year on Christmas when I bought him land in Scotland and earned him the title of a Scottish Laird (lord). In any event, I dare a fucker to break in our house. I'll go medieval on their ass! Oh, and: I FUCKING LOVE YOU, XIC!


Sunday, August 19, 2012


Minions, I'm a gamer from way back. How far back? I had the original Atari game console, one of the first Nintendo systems (NES), and just about everything up from there to include our current systems in our house: PS3, Wii, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS, and PSP. Hey, gamers here. 

So yesterday I was talking with one of my cousins, Loki, we started talking about games. One of my favorite memories was playing Duck Hunt together. If you don't know what Duck Hunt is, you're probably too young to be here and should leave. I'll give you a moment. *whistles Jeopardy theme* Are they gone? Good.

So everyone at some point during this game had the dreaded moment: You missed a duck, or two depending on how far you got. SO if you missed, you knew what was coming next. Yep, that fucking dog would laugh at you. Point and fucking laugh his annoying orange ass off. We all pretty much this reaction:*shoots at the dog*  DIE, YOU BASTARD! FUCKING DIE! But he never did. Immortal little fucker.

Well, I mentioned it on Facebook and how I loved talking with Loki about it. So who comments with the most awesome fucking thing ever? Kobal, Hecate's husband. He posts a link to a video. This is what I see:

I fucking love you, Kobal! Not like that, sicko! Like a twisted brother. Thanks for the video link! Now, time to shoot that fucking dog! What better way to spend a Sunday?