DEF-CON 4 Epic

Yesterday produced such a wonderful topic to rant about, Minions. So I had to take time out of the busy holiday season to post this rant for your entertainment and to keep me from giving some douchewaffle who needs to put on their big boy pants and grow a fucking pair a subdural hematoma.

Xic works a security detail and a federal building where we live. He's 6'3 (or 6'4" depending on who measures him) and has arms bigger than my head. He was a military cop so I get he can be intimidating to some, but someone in the building he works at reported him. FOR DOING HIS FUCKING JOB. As if reporting him wasn't enough, the shit went DEF-CON 4 Epic. So what happened? Keep reading, I can't even begin to make this shit up...

Xic does his normal duties for security detail. Checks bags, runs the X-ray machine, patrols floors, responds to alarms or complaints, blah, blah, fucking blah. One of the requirements post 9-11 for a majority, if not all, federal buildings is to remove your shoes, belts, everything from your pockets... No big deal when it comes to safety, right? Suck it up and blame the terrorists and people trying to carry knives and shit into the building.

If you fail to comply to the instructions, you are told to comply and more or less warned that failure to comply can result in being asked to leave the premises to being arrested depending on your fucking attitude. Again, just fucking suck that shit up and take off your damn shoes.

If you continue to bitch and moan because you don't want people to see your webbed feet and sixth toe, the guards can get gruff and tell you in not so many words you're being a douche and they can fuck your shit up if you continue being a complete ass. This is where the report comes in.

Some little bitch ass, would be man reported Xic for being too intimidating. To his friend. A Senator. Really? You tattled to a Senator? You have issues, dude. I should kick your ass for being a bitch. But that's far from the end. I said DEF-CON 4 Epic.

This Senator felt compelled to send this shit further up. How far up? THE WHITE HOUSE. Really?! Now I could understand if we lived in D.C. or something, but we don't. Far from it. Thousands of miles from it.

 So my husband gets reported all the way up to the fucking White House for being too intimidating? What kind of pansy ass, tit sucking, mommy's little bitch are you? I bet your ass broke down crying and wet yourself too. Pussy. Nyx and Nox have more balls than you and they're only 2. And GIRLS at that! Seriously, you're a waste of fucking oxygen. Cry yourself a river, build a fucking bridge, and get the fuck over it. Seriously, if I ever see you, I may punch you on principal.

~Hekate

FFS!

In case you don't know, FFS is "For fuck sake!" So why, Minions, did I choose this as the title? Well, you're in luck. Things are about to get ranty up in here.

Five days. Five. Fucking. Days. I have been in the same damn pain since Thursday! Nothing is fucking helping. So what pain is this? Neck pain that shoots up to my head, mostly on the left side, and affects my arms. On top of that, yesterday it fucked my vision so bad that I relied on auto correct and keyboard memory. As if that wasn't enough, my lower back (Doc: read leg) has been feeling like I have a knife stuck in it. When I stand, my legs want to give out. When I lay down, automatic numbness and tingling from my waist down. When I walk, I'm borderline dragging my right leg. If I lay on my left side, my right side feels better, but my left side stings and feels like I have napalm running through me. If I lay on my right side, my left feels better, but now my right side screams "WTF are you doing?" If I lay on my stomach, I can't breath thanks to separated abdominal muscles that the docs refuse to fix and my back feels like it's going to break. An inversion table would be nice, but I'd probably get a nose bleed.

So, what does the doc say? Nothing, actually. He hasn't returned my calls. All I get from the nurse is do exactly what I've been doing and go to my EMG (nerve test) on the 3rd. So, in the words of Nyx and Nox, SHUT UP! YOU SUCK! And in my own words, FUCK YOU! How much Tylenol and Motrin can I possibly take before I start to sound like a pill bottle when I walk? How many fucking warm/hot showers and baths can I take before I boil myself? How many fucking ice/heat packs can I use before I get frost bite or burn myself? What other fucking options can you give me, Doc? That's what you get paid for! You get paid to fucking fix me, asshole! Instead you ignore my concerns and past medical history, order tests that have already been done and showed that my leg is not the fucking problem, and offer no suggestions on how to deal with this pain.

So it's my move. Ready for this? I will go to this fucking test, but I will no longer be seeing you. I will call when I need a refill on my seizure meds, but that's it. I will wait until we get settled in our final city before ever going back to a doctor. I will go for acupuncture and hypnotherapy to cope and find ways to live with the constant fucking pain that has made me cry like a little fucking bitch for five fucking days.

As for you, Doc: GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE ASS WITH A RAZOR BLADED DILDO AND NO KY!

~Hekate