Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Stompy McStomperton from Stompsville

The goth family has officially moved, Minions. Now when I say "moved" that, in no way, means we are unpacked. Not completely, anyway.

Now, if you follow me on Facebook, you have seen me post about Stompy. Let me explain why i call him/her/it this.

Every day without fail since we have moved in, our neighbor starts moving around at 4:30 am. EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. If we're lucky, real lucky, they hold off until 5:00 am. This isn't your normal "Oh, I'm getting ready for work" movement. Oh no. This is "I am Sumo!" stomping. Seriously, I think The Hulk walks more softly in his rage than this fucker on any given day.

This morning stomp continues until 7:30 am. It wakes Nyx and Nox up. They use to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00. Thanks, Stompy. After the twins are up, fucktard leaves for the day. Yeah, thanks asshole. My day now is shot all to Hell because Nyx and Nox are not, I repeat, NOT morning people. If they were older, I'd give them coffee. Massive amounts of coffee.

Guess who comes back at about 5:30 pm? STOMPY! Awesome, right? I get 10 whole hours of quiet. Yeah, you obviously don't know Nyx and Nox. So 5:30, after Xic leaves for work, Stompy comes home. Now I guess dumb ass missed the fucking memo that we have a fitness center on site, because they stomp from kitchen to living room, hall, bedroom, hall, living room, and back to kitchen. 15 MOTHER FUCKING TIMES IN A ROW. Back and forth. Back and forth. Sometimes I wonder how the ceiling hasn't collapsed. This shit continues until 11fucking30 pm. Keep in mind that quiet hours here are from 10 pm to 6 am. You can get called out if your TV is too loud.

Now, I'm not just going to call up the manager and bitch about them. Sure, I will if it comes to that. I'm going to give them today. Tomorrow I will say something if it happens again. And it will. Now I'll be as nice as I can. Once. If it happens on Friday it may go something like this:

HEY, FUCK ASS! Knock the stomping shit off, you elephant footed douchewaffle, or one of two things will happen. 1. I turn your ass in with the video evidence I have made for the past two fucking weeks and maybe get your ass evicted. Or 2. I break your fucking legs and let Nyx and Nox Zombie Apocalypse your worthless ass. Ever see the Walking Dead? They're worse than that. Your move, ass clown.

Fuck it. If they don't stop in the next 20 minutes I'm going up. Nice is for pussies.


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