Thursday, June 27, 2013

Family and Computer Twunt

It's been a Hell of a night already, Minions. Now that my fucking twunt ass computer has decided it wants to work with me and start up, I can now write that ever coveted blog post you've all been dying for. Ready for my twitchy face and clinched fist post? Good. Here we go...

So by now you know about my side of the family, but today I'm going to be writing about the other side. The in-law side.

I love most of my in-laws, but there's always one in every marriage that just gets on your last. Fucking. Nerve. Am I right? Of course I am. That one for me? Sassy.

Sassy was mentioned in a previous post I wrote. I don't talk to Sassy much. Why? She's drama. Not to say other members don't have their share of drama (like most of my side of the family), but Sassy has a knack for EPIC. BULLSHIT. DRAMA. 

She calls me when shes stressed or had a bad day. Seriously, this is the ONLY time she calls me. She even said so. Thanks, bitch. Nice to know I'm only good enough for you to complain to because no one else wants to listen about your shity ass day.

She calls bitching because Xic told her "No" about creating an Instagram account to share photos with her. She proceeds to order  me to make Xic create an account or create one anyway even though he said "No". Yeah, no. That doesn't fly in our house. Mommy and Daddy refuse to be played against one another. It doesn't work for our kids, it sure as Hell won't work for you. Nice try though.

She then bitches about he ex and how he said, she said, blah, blah, fucking blah. Honestly I tuned most of this shit out, but caught the majority of it. After trying to be rational with her about the problem for 45 minutes I realized it was a lost cause and changed the subject. Well, tried to anyway. She ended up going back to it a few minutes later until we hit the last subject of the night.

Here's where I get slightly pissed. Slightly. Had I gone full out pissed I wouldn't have bit my tongue.

"Tell my brother to call and text me more. He never talks to me!" Excuse me? Are you really going to go there? Bitch, please! He texted you more in ONE. FUCKING. DAY. than he did me in a week! You want to know why he avoids your calls? The same reason I'm going to start sending your ass to voice mail and deleting it without listening: YOU'RE TOO MUCH FUCKING DRAMA! 

Oh, and you know how you complained about how your mom (may she rest in peace) rambled on and on and repeated herself 20 times in a call and wouldn't hang up after saying bye 30 minutes straight? Congratufuckinglations, sweet cheeks! You're just like her! I loved your mom. You, not so much. You were a bitch to me from day one and I'm only your favorite person to talk to when no one else wants to deal with your bitchy ass. Here's a tip: If people ignore your calls or keep saying "Hey, I have to go. I need to do (insert some really important, but not too important thing). I'll call you back" but they never do, it's not them. IT'S YOU. 

Oh yeah, thanks for stealing an hour of my life I will never get back. 

Now that my computer has been a fucking twunt for the last time tonight and I got my rant out, sort of, I'm going to go kick Xic's ass in Injustice.


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