Oh, Minions, are you ready for a fucking hilarious post? Of course you are! That's why I love you all! Except you... No no, not you... YOU! Yeah, I tolerate you. You know who you are. Anyway, on with the show!
So first off, Nyx and Nox are finally asleep. Over eight hours awake, refusing to take a nap, tossing food on the floor at dinner time, and Nox being extremely clingy to me today. It ended with a banshee cry from Hell for about 20 minutes straight from Nox before she passed the fuck out from being tired. And at one point I was on the phone with one of my SIL, Xeno (her name she gave herself), CC's mom. Her call is one reason tonight's post is going to be fucking EPIC! Shall we?
Phone rings and it's Xeno. "I've got something for you to blog about and I needed to tell somebody." Oh I am all ears and taking note, Minions. This is how you get Goth Mom fame:
"So I had a job interview with people from Goodyear today," she starts. Now what I translate form my half ass, short hand, sloppy notes goes something like this. The interview is in Ohio, she lives in a different state and I'm not saying where in case one of you is a stalking type. (I'm looking at you again.) So the airport is about 45 minutes away, so yesterday she drives there and goes in to get her tickets. She's standing in line and the woman can't find her tickets. The fuck? Then just as she's pulling something up, the board behind her says "United Airlines Flight 555 Cancelled" The excuse? Bad weather in Chicago. The real reason? Fucking mechanical failures that resulted in a fire mid-fucking-flight on one plane. Nice try there, sweet cheeks, but people have phones equipped with internet now. Think they can't/won't find out? STFU and just stand there looking half ass pretty, okay? So she tries to find another flight out but says none are available. Are you for real now? An entire fucking airport and not one single flight has a seat? I call bullshit. So Xeno calls the people at Goodyear to let them know. They get in touch with their travel agent and get her a flight on Delta Airlines. Goodyear and Delta save the day! The bad news is it delayed her by four hours. Fucking luck.
When she gets to her destination she goes to pick up her rental car. The fucking bastards gave it to someone else since she was late. Yeah, yeah, they can do that. I know. But for fucks sake, it's not her damned fault! So they said they could put her in a minivan or a Ford Flex. Uh, duh! Ford Flex, please! Who the fuck wants to rock a minivan? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Fuck you if you think that's not funny! So now to the hotel. She's staying at the Hilton. Sounds nice right? Yeah, sure. I guess. She gets there at 1:00 am. She types up her portfolio and sends it to the wireless printer they all brag about. She goes down to the desk to pick up her work and the guy says "We don't have that here." FUCK YOU HILTON! Don't brag about shit you don't fucking have you cock sucking assholes! The worse news, she didn't back it up. Now it's Tuesday, but it's fucking Monday luck.
Next day she goes to her interview. It's at 8 am and suppose to be an hour long. Six. Fucking. Hours. Long. And with six different people. Xeno is diabetic and needs to eat. For crying out loud, people! Offer her some damned chips, fruit, something! I'm surprised she didn't snap all your fucking heads off and drink your blood! Oh wait... That's my thing. Sorry.
Back to the airport, drop off the rental car, gets to her terminal, catches plane, lands in Atlanta for her transfer, and looks for a place to eat. Quizno's. That's it? One fucking place and it's Quizno's? Whatever. So she orders one sandwich (don't ask, I don't remember and can't read what the fuck I wrote), the chick calls back a completely different sandwich, and then proceeds to make said fucked up order. Xeno corrects her and she gets all pissy "Well this is what you ordered!" Actually, sweet tits, it isn't. Clean the cum out of your ears and listen next time. So Cumdumb makes the right sandwich and the guy's next to Xeno. Xeno pays $12.85 for a sub and a Mt. Dew, heads to her gate, starts to charge her phone and dives into... What the fuck is this shit? Cumdumb gave her the guy's fucking sandwich and, according to Xeno, was fucking disgusting! She paid $12.85 for a fucking sandwich she couldn't eat. FUCK YOU, QUIZNO'S!
Anyway, she made it back to her car and called me while she was driving the 45 minutes back home. Thanks, Monday, for sticking around for another day. If you show your fucking face here tomorrow, I'll punch you in the throat! Got it?
~Hekate
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