DEF-CON 4 Epic

Yesterday produced such a wonderful topic to rant about, Minions. So I had to take time out of the busy holiday season to post this rant for your entertainment and to keep me from giving some douchewaffle who needs to put on their big boy pants and grow a fucking pair a subdural hematoma.

Xic works a security detail and a federal building where we live. He's 6'3 (or 6'4" depending on who measures him) and has arms bigger than my head. He was a military cop so I get he can be intimidating to some, but someone in the building he works at reported him. FOR DOING HIS FUCKING JOB. As if reporting him wasn't enough, the shit went DEF-CON 4 Epic. So what happened? Keep reading, I can't even begin to make this shit up...

Xic does his normal duties for security detail. Checks bags, runs the X-ray machine, patrols floors, responds to alarms or complaints, blah, blah, fucking blah. One of the requirements post 9-11 for a majority, if not all, federal buildings is to remove your shoes, belts, everything from your pockets... No big deal when it comes to safety, right? Suck it up and blame the terrorists and people trying to carry knives and shit into the building.

If you fail to comply to the instructions, you are told to comply and more or less warned that failure to comply can result in being asked to leave the premises to being arrested depending on your fucking attitude. Again, just fucking suck that shit up and take off your damn shoes.

If you continue to bitch and moan because you don't want people to see your webbed feet and sixth toe, the guards can get gruff and tell you in not so many words you're being a douche and they can fuck your shit up if you continue being a complete ass. This is where the report comes in.

Some little bitch ass, would be man reported Xic for being too intimidating. To his friend. A Senator. Really? You tattled to a Senator? You have issues, dude. I should kick your ass for being a bitch. But that's far from the end. I said DEF-CON 4 Epic.

This Senator felt compelled to send this shit further up. How far up? THE WHITE HOUSE. Really?! Now I could understand if we lived in D.C. or something, but we don't. Far from it. Thousands of miles from it.

 So my husband gets reported all the way up to the fucking White House for being too intimidating? What kind of pansy ass, tit sucking, mommy's little bitch are you? I bet your ass broke down crying and wet yourself too. Pussy. Nyx and Nox have more balls than you and they're only 2. And GIRLS at that! Seriously, you're a waste of fucking oxygen. Cry yourself a river, build a fucking bridge, and get the fuck over it. Seriously, if I ever see you, I may punch you on principal.

~Hekate

Why I've Been MIA

Yes, Minions, you're beloved Goth Mom has taken a leave of absence for quite some time now. Why? Where do I start?

I have been sick. And tired. And sick and tired of being sick and tired. On top of that, Xic has been working crazy fucking schedules that have us all running around wondering when the fuck things will slow down, if ever. Plus add on the holidays that are here and you have craziness in itself. Add to that demon twins that have entered the oh-so-loved terrible twos. Sprinkle on a bit of family drama and you have a glimpse of my life right now. Fun, right? It gets better...

We're still waiting for the call about Xic's dream job, dealing with "You have insurance. You don't. You do.", doctors still insisting my back problem is still just my leg ,whom I have not gone back to seen since the whole torture session was set up, didn't have that done either, trying to find a dentist that will actually take our insurance and see the demon twins, and dealing with Nox either not adjusting to Xic's schedule and wants more time with him or is now afraid of the dark, and we have a ghost in our house. Seriously. Not making this shit up here. And it may be more than one.

What makes me think we have a ghost? Xic went to open the bedroom door for the twins when he hear, clear as day, "Daddy, let me out!" For those who know the twins, they don't talk that clearly yet. They still babble in their demonic twin speak language that sometimes gives us all chills. Also, things have gone missing and reappear right where it should have been and we just looked. Like what? Keys, wallets, coats, and food. Sloppy Joes and chili cheese dogs leave a trace if someone takes them off your plate. And when you're the only one in the house that can reach the counter and it goes missing and then is right back where it was (right next to the stove, not hard to just miss), shit's going on! One also grabbed my foot the other night and turned it ice cold. It was at least 75 in our room and I was under a heated blanket.

To top it all off, I'm still pissed off that I can't post a blog from my iPad! Fix it, people! I don't feel like lugging my heavy ass laptop with me to visit family and friends! And no, I refuse to get a new light weight laptop. I love my Alienware. I'm a gamer and it meets or exceeds my needs.

~Hekate

The Fuck?!

Rant time, Minions. Hope you're ready for this!

Xic is in the reserves. He used to be active duty but since got out and plays weekend warrior. Now the military has exercises to keep them sharp. No big deal, right? Well it wasn't until what I heard last night. OPSEC be damned:

Military use to hold live fire exercises (real ammo shot during these training periods) until the 80's. why did they stop? Because too many people were getting killed. Seriously, our guys were shooting live ammo at targets yet hitting their own guys. So since then, 30 years ago, they haven't had live ammo exercises.

Our guys go overseas and get shot at by the other side every day. Some are lucky enough to not have to go on tours or get cushy jobs over there. Or guys have firing to keep them efficient with their weapons. They hold exercises at random times and treat it as a real world experience complete with casualties (special effect make-up used here).

So what has me worked up today? Well, I get notified by Xic that now they're bringing back live fire exercises! The fuck, guys? Seriously, our guys getting shot at on foreign soil isn't enough? Now you want to bring back the type of exercise that has our guys shooting live ammo? You're trusting some of these punk wannabe Rambo weekend warriors to not shoot their buddies? What the fuck happens if one freaks out and sprays all over the fucking place? "Collateral damage"? What the fuck do you tell the wives, husbands, kids, parents of the ones who get shot? Your (fill in the blank) was shot during a training exercise this weekend. Friendly fucking fire right here in the states. You want them to train and make sure they're hitting the right target, give them paint balls first! Those fuckers hurt and you know if you're on target.

"They were protective gear, ma'am. There are measures in place to make sure..." Blah blah fucking blah. BULLSHIT! That helmet you give them doesn't stop a stray fucking bullet. Got anything to protect their necks? Didn't think so.

I know our guys get shot every day in war zones. I know our police force get fired upon every day. Why the fuck should we risk our guys getting shot because you think they need more practice? Guess what I think will happen... People will die because some fuck up wannabe hero will start showing off and shit will happen and you'll have to stop the live fire again after getting yelled at by a bunch of pissed off spouses and parents. On top of that, you'll be losing a shit ton of people due to PTSD and lower enlistments than normal.

Have fun with that, guys. I just hope Xic gets his Sleep Apnea claim approved since the fucker likes to quit breathing 34 times a damn night on average. Seriously, he had a sleep study done and they're putting him on an APAP machine for "Severe Sleep Apnea". So now not only do I have to worry and lose sleep because he stops breathing every fucking night, I now have to worry about some dip shit, snot nosed noob shooting him over the fucking weekend at training. Awesome. My solid 2 hours of sleep will become a good 30 minutes now. Fuckers.

~Hekate

P.S. I hate that I can't post shit from my iPad anymore and copying form my email forces me to highlight and change the text. 

Lunch at the Mall...

Going to the mall for lunch on a rainy day is a treat for us. The kids can play inside at the play area they have, thus tiring them out and making for easy bedtime. Normally our lunch dates are uneventful. Today was different. Come with me on this "I'm going to spork someone's eyes out" journey...

Xic is hot. Really, REALLY hot. He's also my polar opposite. He's the normal guy and I'm, well... Goth. Now I know my husband is eye candy, but there's a point where it becomes too much. Case in point: Bleach Blonde Bitch with Less than A Tits and a Kid on the Hip.

Now Bleachy was checking Xic out. Hard core. It was so bad that he noticed it. That's saying something. Xic doesn't notice when chick are eyeing him up like he's some Greek God they must claim as their own. I notice, though. All the fucking time. Bleachy wasn't even trying to hide it.

Now a guy spending time with his kids is sexy in itself. Watching a hot guy feeding his kids from his plate of Chinese food is probably sensory overload. When said kids happen to be twin girls who are playing the "I'm cute and I know it" card on daddy, hearts melt and panties get wet. I should know. I was sitting across from Xic as this was going on. Which is what made me get somewhat twitchy faced as Bleachy eyed him up and down like she wanted to play the MILF card on my DILF.

He's a clue, Bleachy: If the guy you're eyeing up and down like he's an all you can eat buffet and he cringes without even looking up at you, you're giving off that creepy, Fatal Attraction vibe. and should just move on.

Now when the guy you're eyeing up is also sitting across from a woman who isn't his mother, doesn't look like his sister, and the kids he's feeding look like a mix of DILF and her, chances are it's his wife or girlfriend. He's another clue to look for: WEDDING RINGS. His was easy to spot since he eats left handed and mine isn't exactly small. Just sayin'.

Now if that wasn't enough to put me in an eye sporking mood what happened next was serious "Twitchy Face, Clinched Fists" worthy...

Bleachy moves on just as I asked Xic if I should spork her eyes out and then comes loads of stares and cringing faces. Apparently people in our town haven't seen a Goth before. Or maybe they're use to seeing Goths with "Their own kind". Then again, they may have thought I was going to eat Nyx and Nox... Either way, it came to me saying "Take a fucking picture, it lasts longer. Oh, I'm sorry, does my look offend you? Then don't fucking look at me, bitch!"

Older people I can forgive because they wonder what's wrong with the youth, but when the older people are saying to us "Oh, what cute babies. You two make such beautiful kids" and the younger crowd is making faces when they look at me makes my blood boil and I lose my cool.

I'm use to stares and whispers. I've dealt with it since I was a kid. It doesn't bother me. What bothers the fuck out of me is when you face a disgusted face at me for the way I'm dressed and my black lipstick when your ass looks like they rolled out of the fucking gutter after taking a facial from no less than 20 fucking guys and smell like 3 week old ass and sweat. Then you have the nerve to tell your 50 rolled friend with the Doritos crumbs on their face and the, what I can only assume, grease stain on their shirt that you "Can't believe she walks around like that and he let's her". Seriously, Cum Dumpster? So yeah, of course I'm going to tell you, in a not so polite voice, to shut your fucking mouth and keep walking before I spork a bitch. Next time you want to say something about the way someone is dressed, look in the fucking mirror and make sure to wipe the cum off your face. Oh, and tell your friend to stop wearing mid drift shirts. I had fucking nightmares last night.

~Hekate

Someone Needs an Ass Kicking...

Right now, Minions, I'm in a very pissed off mood and this could go one of two ways for you:

1. This chick is funny as FUCK!
2. Oh damn, I think she's talking about me!

There may be a point where you fit into both. Now, without any further fucking ado, I give you today's post.

I. FUCKING. HATE. CHEATERS. Plain and simple. Any form of cheater. The worst? Relationship cheaters. The douche/twat who just can't be fucking happy with the one person they have so they have more. More flirting, more sex, more what-the-fuck-ever it is they think they need. I've had to deal with cheaters before. More than once. How do I deal? Usually revenge.

Take one of my ex's, Gay-vy. Seemed like a good enough guy. We got "married" (turns out it wasn't legal because some paperwork was misfiled) and after a few months, I found out I was pregnant. I drove home to tell my "husband" the good news to find him in bed with... *pause for dramatic effect*... Another guy. Yep. Home skillet was gay and faked it with me. Not sure if I should think I was that good or if I'm manish... Anyway, after the fight and shit that happened after I found out, I took his credit card, bank card, and the car. I drove and got my tongue pierced, bought a shit ton of new goth clothes since eh destroyed all of my old ones, and fucked his car up hard core. I then drove back and tossed him the keys and took what money he had left and hopped on the train to The Oracle's in sunny SoCal. Next thing I hear, Deep Throater was driving when the engine started acting up (odd?) and a tire blew out (new tires, odd again?) and he flipped his car. Oh, the kicker... He was in the hospital getting his... Member... stitched up because his boyfriend bit him during the rollover. Just say NO to road head.

Then there was Constant Flirt. No matter what, this one had to flirt with every fucking bitch with a pussy. I swear. Shit became too much so I started flirting too. Only, I flirted with everyone. Guy, girls, it didn't matter. He flipped the fuck out and left because it was too much for him to handle. Watching the girl he wanted to marry flirt with everyone with no regard for his feelings. Boo fucking hoo. Zero fucks were given when he left.

Then there was Lilith (not her real name). I thought she was perfect. She was the first real person I knew. No games with her. Or so I thought. I was wrong. Bitch was running game for days! She was with a different guy every time I was on a shoot (I was a model and actress back in the day) and a different chick when I was working in The Haunted Hotel. So what did I do? Put hot sauce on her vibe. She wanted to be Miss Hot Crotch, fine. I'd help her along. Childish, yes. But funny as fuck when I saw her the week after I left. She couldn't figure out why she had blisters and burns. (Hint: Soak that fucker for a few days if it's silicone or something that is absorbent.)

The worst thing ever is someone who thinks about cheating, plans on cheating, cheats, and fucking talks in their damn sleep about the fucking shit! Cheese and fucking rice! It's bad enough that you have/are doing the deed, but I don't need to fucking here about it in detail when you're sleeping! I have seriously thought of severing vocal cords. Same goes wen you flirt knowing that shit is wrong and you fucking call me their name as you cuddle into me. I should have fucking beat your ass with a bat then and there, fucker. But I didn't. No, what I did was worse. I let Karma deal with your ass. Then when shit happened again, I didn't do anything again because Crazy Bitch did it herself. Repeatedly. For months. Then there was the sexting that I was forwarded as well (all of this happened within a few months) from another source. Fucking really? When the fuck were you going to learn? My guess, NEVER. Shit just kept fucking happening. Then one day... It stopped. Just like that. It was a "What the fuck just happened?" moment. I forgave shit that normally would have had me walking after inflicting horrible pain and torture on you. Forgave, never forgotten. Shit still hurts to this day.

So, for all you fuckers out there who think you won't get caught, you're too slick and have far too much game: WRONG, ASSHOLES! Shit always gets found out. Someway or another. If you're a sleep talker, you might as well just fess up to every thought you ever had. Seriously, because someone might start hitting you with random objects on night. Or you end up on the six o'clock news when your body is found several miles down a river bank. Just sayin'.

~Hekate

Anonymous

No, I'm not talking about me being anonymous. I have my reason for hiding behind my pen name: To protect my kids. No, no. This post is about the hacking group Anonymous. Say what you want about the group of hacktivists, but after the video and info I saw on YouTube (now removed) I FUCKING LOVE THEM!

If you don't know the story of Amanda Todd, it's one of torment, extortion, bullying, and ultimately resulted in her death.

She's not the first person to be bullied to death and sadly I know she won't be the last. I take this topic very seriously as I myself was bullied and extorted by people when I was younger. I tried to kill myself the justice system failed me, but luckily I had a true friend to save me from myself. But that's another story entirely.

Amanda lost her "friends" and respect of her peers all because some fucktard decided they wanted to get their rocks off and exploit her. I use the term "friends" lightly because true friends wouldn't turn their back on you or do the things these immature assholes did. That info will come later...

Now, as for the person(s) involved in the release of her picture: These type of people are the lowest forms of life among us. They have such pathetic, insignificant lives that they need to manipulate anyone they can. Sadly, it's our youth that is the easiest to target. Now, thanks to Anonymous, they release the identity of one of these sleazebags (and another I believe, but I don't have that info right now). I don't care if people say "Oh, this does more harm than good." I say BULL SHIT! This is the best thing EVER! Why? Because if he's responsible, even if he's just a second or third in command, this guy is now exposed for what he is: A Pedophile! He's a sick fuck. Thank you, Anonymous, for releasing his info. And if I lived closer, I might just kick down this fuckers door and beat the fuck out of him, take pictures, and plaster them all over the interwebs for all to see a bruised, bloody, pathetic, waste of oxygen have his ass kicked by a survivor of this shit.

Now, as for the "friends" who turned their backs on Amanda when she needed them the most: You're no fucking better! How dare you claim to be a friend and then post and tag her in pictures of the shit you did! If you all were my kids, I'd fuck you up. Your asses would be drinking your fucking meals through a straw for the rest of your life if I let you fucking live. You deserve to be punished just as harshly for causing her death. Her death may be ruled a suicide, but believe me when I say that you and her tormentors killed her! It's murder in my eyes, you little bastards! I hope the though haunts you for the rest of your existence. I hope you are labeled as a bully and a killer. I hope you're exposed during the investigation, people learn your true nature, and charges are brought against you.

Now before you all get preachy on me and send me nasty emails about how I'm being mean and shouldn't wish ill on these "misguided" kids and the persons behind the leaking of Amanda's photo let me remind you: MY BLOG, MY OPINION, AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. Are we clear? Think how you would feel if it were your child being extorted. Maybe even yourself. You would want retribution, correct? In any form you could get, right? Yeah, so shut the fuck up with your "Two wrongs don't make a right" bull shit and jump on the vent wagon with me.

~Hekate

Hekate? With a Purse?

If you haven't read my previous post Shout Out to an Awesome Crafter, I'm going to fill you in one this person here.

Okay, she makes purses out of... Ready? Duct Tape! Seriously. And before you start thinking "Uh, no thanks. That just sounds weird." Don't knock it yet.

Now I'm not talking about plain silver Duct Tape that you see. No, not at all. I'm talking all the prints you see. Skulls, checkerboard, plaid, dragons... This chick is good!

"But, Hekate... How do you know?"

Glad you asked that. Because yesterday I got my purse from her! Yes, Minions, your favorite Goth Mom is rocking a purse. Now I don't carry purses, I usually just have a wallet in my back pocket. Linkin Park one at that, but I digress. Yesterday I got the package I had been waiting for. My very own Dragon Clutch Purse by Em.

I just got up.

The picture doesn't do it justice. But since Xic has my preferred camera in the trunk of his car, I had to use my web cam. 

It's not heavy like you would think. It's light, soft, flexible, has a magnetic closure, mine has a gold chain, it's just fucking awesome!

If you're interested in getting one like mine, or want to check out her other projects (trust me, you do), head on over to her shop. She has a discount going on right now for 15% off until further notice. So what are you waiting for? There's something for everyone. Let her know I sent you.

~Hekate

P.S. Em, if you're reading this: I made a special trip to the store last night after I got it just to show it off!