Yes, Minions, even Goths visit the doc every now and then. Today was a fun little adventure that turned out far different than I expected.
I'm not exactly a morning person, per-say, but if you're going to the doctor mornings are best. Monday mornings are just Hell. Who wants to go to the doc first thing of a morning on a Monday? Apparently, this Goth. I have nothing better to do, right?
Okay, Monday morning doc. I leave the Gothlings with Xic. Smart right? Damn straight. It was his idea. I get in the car (no it's not a hearse) and get the GPS set. What? I haven't been to this quack before and, as much of a bad ass I am, I don't want to be late or get lost. Now shut up and stop laughing, fuckers! Thanks...
Get the GPS set, and in true Monday fashion, it takes me to the wrong fucking address! Well played, GPS. Well played. So I get it set to the correct address, which was only a few blocks the other way, and still get there early. I fucking rock.
Get there, sign in, fill out my autobiography, sign my life away, and wait to be called. And I wait to be called... And I WAIT TO BE CALLED! My appointment was at 9:30 am, I showed up at 9:13 am, and I don't get called back until 10:15. This is normal, right? Sure, if the office was busy as fuck. But it's Monday morning and dead. Seriously. I'm the only fucking person in the damned waiting room. And they wonder why my blood pressure is "a little high" when the check it.
So I get back to the cold, clinical, funky smelling room. What the Hell is that smell anyway? Soap and sanitizer mixed with pine air freshener and alcohol with a hint of lemon and lavender? Sensory fucking overload!
After Sneezeapaloza 2012 took a short intermission, Vampire Nurse wants my blood. Fun times. I'm the type of stick that sucks. Why? Tiny ass veins that roll and hide. Seriously, they have to use the baby needles on my shrimp ass veins. Hell, Nyx and Nox have bigger, better veins than me! Yes, I'm jealous, because blood draws suck for me. So Vamp here gets me set up and I'm waiting for that bite you feel as the needle pierces through your skin and into your waiting vein... Nothing. I look up as she says, "Apply pressure here for a minute." Damn, Vamp Nurse is good. Now I wait for Dr. Jekyll but expect Mr. Hyde. That's my luck. So I wait...
30 fucking minutes later, my troll looking Dr. Jekyll walks in. Not the cute troll doll troll, the under the bridge, I'm going to eat your soul, looking troll. Then I see it has to be Mr. Hyde. Until he speaks. "What can I do for you, Mrs. Goth?" Pleasant enough voice for an old dude. Okay, so Dr. Jekyll's personality in Mr. Hyde's body. Guess it's better than the other way around, right?
No I explain to not-so-hot-doc about my herniated disc and the past treatments I've had and how I've never been on any pain meds for it. EVER. Poor shocked doc writes me up a referral to a neurosurgeon and says he's going to write me a script for pain relief. I'm thinking oral steroids for inflammation, nope. Dr. Jekyll hands me a paper with Vicodin (APAP/ Hydrocodone) 1 pill, twice daily written on it. Huh? Guess it showed on my face I was confuzeled because he looks at me so serious, puts one hand on my shoulder and says "You need this." Uh... Say what? Is it that bad? It has to be when a medical doctor who, at first, thought you were a drug seeking junkie and almost refused to see you says you need something like Vicodin.
So, until I visit the neurosurgeon and determine what course of action or surgery I'm going to need, I will be even more hilarious than normal. Vicodin makes me hyper, happy, and funny as fuck! You all should enjoy the future blogs...
~Hekate
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