The Never-ending Havoc that is Nyx and Nox

I love my demon babies. Really, I do. These two little Gothlings of mine, by doctor opinions, shouldn't be here. Between past illnesses I've had as well as injuries I've incurred in my life I shouldn't have had kids at all. But me being the stubborn ass that I am, I set out to prove everyone wrong. But so help me, some days I wonder if they're not really "Heaven Sent" and are truly "Demon Babies".

Xic and I call them our "demons" with all the love in the world. We know they're crazy, hyper, destructive, cannibalistic at times, and... What was I saying? Oh right, we know they're trouble, but they're ours and we love them no matter what. Matter of fact, as I've started writing this, I've had to stop them from literally climbing up the wall and to the window. Double trouble is an understatement.

Baby proofing our home has become pointless. They find a way around everything or figure out how to get shit undone. Like outlet protectors. You know the little annoying plug things that are a fucking bitch for you to get out unless you have a crowbar? Baby proof my ass. More like adult proof. Our demons figured those fucking things out on day one! Seriously! I can't fucking stop these two. 

A few months ago Nyx got one of the protectors out and stuck her finger that she had just been chewing on in the damned plug. Guess what happened? She got shocked! I hear that high pitched cry that tells everyone in a 1000 mile radius that she is fucking hurt. I run and jump over our baby gate. It's a walk through gate, but I didn't have time to fuck with that bitch ass lock. My baby was hurt. I get to her and check her over. She was fine, no burns or obvious injury. I'm thinking maybe she learned her lesson, but still put the protectors back in to try and keep them safe. I was wrong. Nyx does the same fucking thing not even two minutes later just at a different spot. Guess she thought "Okay, that one hurts, maybe this one won't." Sorry, sweetie. It doesn't work that way.

Nox started climbing one day and got on top of the changing table in their room one morning shortly after she woke up. Can you say heart attack? She's just sitting there tossing stuff down to Nyx but kept the cool shit for herself. She then climbed back up two more times that day. That night, the changing table was taken out of their room. Nothing left but a box for toys and their toddler beds.

Fast forward to the past two months. It's been hot, so we've been putting fans in our windows since our apartment doesn't have air conditioning. What do you think happens when you put a fan in the window of Nyx and Nox's room? They pull the cord and yank the fan right out of said window. Over and over again. So what do I do? Break out my inner redneck. We all have one, you just have to embrace it and know when to use it.

Since normal baby proofing fails, I resort to this:

Damn straight I duct taped the changing table pad over the cord and outlet! Sadly I know this won't last long, but I'm hoping they get the point after I tactically place a huge ass teddy bear in front of it. You'll have to excuse me now. My MMA fighters just slammed into the wall and let out a very frustrated yell.

~Hekate